Stepping Stones by Marilea C. Rabasa

Author:Marilea C. Rabasa
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2020-06-14T16:00:00+00:00

STEALTH BOMBER

One weekend before we left the country, telling Angel he was on his own with the kids, I drove east to be by the sea. In Ocean City, I got a cheap hotel room and a cheap bottle of vodka, and spent my time numbing myself. Instead of walking on the beach by the ocean I love so much, instead of grabbing a bag and adding more souvenirs to my beautiful collection, I lay on my bed, drank vodka straight out of the bottle, and passed out.

I might as well have stayed in a cheap motel near my own house.

In a fog most of the time, eating junk food from the boardwalk, I ran away from my life. I left my “shell” for the weekend, ventured off by myself, as empty coming out of a bottle as I was going into it.

I learned nothing, gained nothing from escaping for a few days other than missing my children terribly. I was still as hollow as the bleached whelks waiting to be snatched up by grateful collectors.

I would discover, many years down the road, the sneaky and devastating nature of addictive disease: how it stalks you, dupes you into thinking you’re okay “if it’s just once in a while.” It’s like any virus: it needs a host to take root. And grow.

To flourish. And continue.

Addiction, like any cancer, wants to survive. It filled my empty shell, opportunistic disease that it is, with false confidence, false promises, false hopes.

Maybe I’ll be happier in Greece …

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