Skip the Line by James Altucher

Skip the Line by James Altucher

Author:James Altucher
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Harper Business
Published: 2021-02-23T00:00:00+00:00


Shaping: Praise Another for a Quality You Want Them to Possess

Have you ever noticed that if you ask someone, “Why are you getting so mad?” they quickly become upset even if they were not upset before? That’s because subconsciously they are already taking on the label you have placed on them.

This technique is called “shaping,” and it works in both directions. If you see someone at a party not speaking with anyone and suspect they have social anxiety and then you tell them you appreciate how their calm demeanor is making you feel more calm, they will begin to act more calm.

This is a dual-purpose weapon as it can make your allies stronger and your enemies weaker. If you want a friend to act in a particular way, just say you appreciate how they are already acting strong, calm, friendly, confident, happy, etc. If you have an enemy and want to throw them off, ask them to stop being so emotional, moody, suspicious, aggressive, passive-aggressive, anxious, etc. Remember that the emotion you label them with has to be within reason or it will sound sarcastic and dishonest.

This can work even when it’s one to many. Imagine you are giving a public talk and you feel like you are losing the audience. Congratulate them on being the most attentive audience you’ve had in a while. Even if it comes across as a joke, guess what? They will laugh and become more attentive.

In a sales meeting, find a way to slip in, “I’m so glad you guys see the benefits of X.”

And if you want, use it in your own personal life. If you feel yourself getting angry, remind yourself that this isn’t the angriest you’ve ever been. And congratulate yourself on finding some calm in whatever storm you are in. This detaches you a bit from the events causing your emotions and allows you to take a step back, which automatically reduces the importance of these events and takes back the mental real estate you had rented out to them.

Note also, this isn’t the simplistic benefit of an affirmation. Affirmations don’t work if they just come from the mind. Repeating words just makes them lose their value (like everything, when supply goes up and demand remains the same, value goes down). But words that come from the heart are really just the clothes of the true impulses of what you love—these shape your mind into who you are in your heart.



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