Sister Saints by Colleen McDannell

Author:Colleen McDannell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Oxford University Press
Published: 2019-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 9

Equal Partners

In 1993 the three leaders of the Relief Society, president Elaine L. Jack and her two counselors, Chieko Okazaki and Aileen H. Clyde, began an international study of Latter-day Saint women. Prior to arriving in various cities around the globe, they asked stake Relief Society presidents to organize focus groups made up of twelve women willing to answer the following question: “What has been your experience with the Relief Society and if you had power or responsibility, what would you do to change the organization?” When the Relief Society leaders looked at the responses, they were surprised to find that the women did not actually discuss the Relief Society; rather, they spoke about the gap that existed between the reality of their lives and the ideal that the church presented. “I don’t go to church,” one woman reported, “because what they tell me about myself, it’s just too painful.”1

Clyde knew that those reports dovetailed with the church’s own in-house research “about the number of LDS women who are having to work outside the home.” Clyde concluded that alterations needed to be made so that “when they came to Relief Society they were glad they came rather than feeling that they had been reminded once again that they weren’t doing the right thing.” In order to pass on to the full church what they had learned about the lives of Mormon women, the leaders intended to structure the fall 1995 Relief Society conference around the diverse variety of faithful families that “were thriving and surviving.”2 Some of those families had both parents living at home and others only one, but the Relief Society leaders wanted to demonstrate that religion was the anchor of each.

Then, two weeks before the October 1995 conference, the Relief Society leaders were called into the office of church president Gordon B. Hinckley. After speaking at some length, the president told them, “We’re going to have to have you change your general meeting. We would like you to address the traditional family. We do not want you to demonstrate the many kinds of families at this time.” Clyde recollected that he spoke “lovingly and intelligently” but that it was “a bit of a shock to us.”3 He then went on to inform the women that he had decided to present a “proclamation on the family” at their coming Relief Society meeting. Okazaki remembered thinking, “How come we weren’t consulted?”4

Years later, after “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” had achieved almost canonical standing in the Latter-day Saint community, Clyde and Okazaki voiced unusual candor in describing their feelings about their lack of participation in constructing the influential document. Frustrated, but recognizing the complicated lives of the First Presidency, Okazaki speculated that “sometimes I think they get so busy that they forget that we are there.” Her explanation highlighted her commitment to the inspired leadership of church; the men simply had heavy responsibilities that distracted them from utilizing the talents of the Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary general boards.

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