Screamfree Parenting by LMFT Hal Edward Runkel

Author:LMFT Hal Edward Runkel [Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: &NEW
ISBN: 9780767928380
Publisher: Broadway Books
Published: 2007-09-06T06:00:00+00:00

* * *

Whenever we label our children, we severely limit their space.

* * *

I love the quote by noted poet, photographer, and legal guru Gerry Spence: “I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.” Especially the belief of an anxious parent.

Whenever we label our children, even in innocent recognition of certain characteristics, we severely limit their space. We risk permanently handicapping their future development. By labeling, we stamp out the wonder inherent in the childhood journey. But labels are not the only way of creating such a handicap and deflating a child’s curiosity.

The Magic of the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

I was four and my brother, Jay, was five. It was Christmas at my Granny’s house. All the extended family was there. Jay and I were playing with our new Legos on the floor when something occurred to our dear Granny. She saw that while I was struggling to stack two blocks together, my brother was busy building the Taj Mahal or some monumental structure.

“Boy, Hal’s gonna have to make a living with his mind, because he’s sure not gonna make one with his hands, like Jay.”

Now, this was an innocent comment, to be sure. My sweet Granny meant no harm by it, and the whole family laughed it off as a cute observation. Except the comment soon took on a life of its own. Sometimes it was retold for its own sake, but most of the time it had a reference. Anytime from there on out, what do you think was said when my brother did something creative or constructive with his hands? “You know, Granny always said that Jay would end up making a living with his hands.”

What do you think was told at family gatherings every time I did something outstanding in school?

“Well, you know, Granny always said that Hal would end up making a living with his mind.”

Here we are, over thirty years later. Do I even need to tell you that my brother has worked in several hands-on occupations (chef, vet’s assistant)?

As for me, Granny wasn’t too far off. I’m a family therapist; I work with other people’s minds. Am I saying this is all Granny’s doing? Of course not. But there is magic at work here.

All of us can cite one example of a similar story with similar results. Although it’s very difficult to determine how much influence such stories and labels have on us, we cannot deny one thing: They are powerful.

Let me say a word here about extended family. It’s very important to surround new parents with support, but often this very support is a potential minefield of conflict. I once watched a new grandfather with his daughter and her first child, a six-month-old boy. The baby was fussy around feeding time and was not taking to the bottle of formula. The mother tried several tactics to feed her son without much success.

In disgust, her father barked, “I don’t know why you don’t just give the kid cow’s milk. It worked just fine for you when you were a baby.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.