Sacred Retreat by Pia Orleane

Author:Pia Orleane
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Spirituality/Self-Transformation
Publisher: Inner Traditions/Bear & Company
Published: 2017-07-25T16:00:00+00:00

A FALSE VIEW OF THE PERFECT MATE

Relationships are important to all of us, regardless of gender. Yet cultural assumptions and our acceptance of false advertising have tarnished our views of relationship. Marketing and fantasy movies have led most women (and men) on wild goose chases, pursuing romantic notions that have little to do with deep relationships or real and unconditional love. Many people believe that they must use manufactured charms (lilywhite smiles, artificial smells, fake breasts, clothes that make a certain statement) to capture the essence of love. Some even judge the importance of a relationship by the size of an engagement ring. Yet such surface charades create relationships that have no depth. And although most men appreciate beauty and sweetness, and most women appreciate strength and good looks, a person of deep character will not be drawn to someone who is using artificial tricks (clothing, colognes, etc.) for long.

Even our sexuality has been deeply tarnished in modern cultures through conflicting messages. Media throws sex into our faces to sell cars or vegetables, while religion takes the stance that sex is appropriate only under the guidelines of the church. Women today are often confused, feeling they are lacking if they don’t have active sex lives and condemned if they do. It is not the focus of this book to address that issue, yet it is so deeply a part of what is out of balance, that I must mention it, if only peripherally.

There is a joke that states that men talk to women in order to have sex with them, and women have sex to talk to men. Sadly, there is some truth in this saying. Many people today engage in sex in an effort to find intimacy and connection. But that is painfully backward! Most often, modern men and women link sex to intimacy and actually believe that if they are having sex, then they are being intimate. However, this is a romantic ideal that, sadly, is far from being true.

Intimacy and sex are not the same thing. Sex can come from real intimacy, but sex is not necessarily intimate, although it should be. Intimacy is being completely comfortable with being who you are in the presence of another person. Why would you share your body with someone that you don’t feel you can be yourself around? It would behoove us to address our assumptions about intimacy and sexuality to understand the importance of exploring true intimacy before we explore sexuality, for sex without intimacy is shallow and sad, and often focuses only on performance, not connection. In The Heart and Soul of Sex, therapist Gina Ogden points out that “performance sex” tends to bypass our feelings and the meanings attached to sexual sharing.1 It also bypasses our deep connections with the rhythms of the planet. Need I say more?

We need more connection, not more sex. The reason so many women love to dance (and often bemoan the fact that they can’t get their partners to dance with them) is because they are seeking connection.

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