Roald Dahl's the Twits by Roald Dahl

Author:Roald Dahl
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Nick Hern Books

ACT TWO

The start of the second half.

To the beautiful strains of ‘In the Bleak Midwinter’ – snow falls.

The HANDSOME WALTZER BOY is alone in the garden. Depressed.

A robin lands on the branch of the tree and begins to sing.

Almost immediately this singing begins to brighten the HANDSOME WALTZER BOY’s mood.

A bunny rabbit appears and hops around – feeding on the grass.

Overhead and the HANDSOME WALTZER BOY can hear something – magpies are seen – squawking a little.

The MONKEYS in their cage are trying to scare off the magpies from landing on the glued branches.

The birds fly off.

The HANDSOME WALTZER BOY sees this.

He and the MONKEY DAUGHTER look at one another.

She holds up her hand to him – a sign of an apology for his story she played.

The robin singing louder now.

The HANDSOME WALTZER BOY quickly looks back at him. The robin seems to be in real distress.

He quickly goes to the robin – takes it gently in his hands – and tries to pick it up. It’s stuck! Stuck good.

With some effort he walks backwards holding the robin – glue stretching ridiculously across the space.

The bunny rabbit is taking a real interest in this.

The HANDSOME WALTZER BOY looks down at the rabbit.

The sound of a shotgun being set – the HANDSOME WALTZER BOY slowly looking in its direction.

Suddenly a shotgun noise – and the rabbit is blown right off the stage – the HANDSOME WALTZER BOY lets go of the robin and it catapults in the other direction.

‘In the Bleak Midwinter’ is aggressively cut.

MR TWIT (offstage). Got it!!

The HANDSOME WALTZER BOY sheepishly turns to his friends as they approach him.

They’re staring nervously out at us.

The TATTOOED FORTUNE-TELLER LADY is elected to say something first.

TATTOOED FORTUNE-TELLER LADY. My friends and I have been here in this garden for – how long have we been here?

YORKSHIRE TERRIER MAN. Months now.

TATTOOED FORTUNE-TELLER LADY. Aye, months.

HANDSOME WALTZER BOY. Seems like more.

TATTOOED FORTUNE-TELLER LADY. For a considerable amount of time, let’s say – waiting here – watching the seasons pass and teased often by these monkeys…

YORKSHIRE TERRIER MAN. These horrible monkeys!

HANDSOME WALTZER BOY. They may not be as horrible as we first thought.

TATTOOED FORTUNE-TELLER LADY. The jury’s out on the monkeys.

HANDSOME WALTZER BOY. Right.

YORKSHIRE TERRIER MAN. But it’s not all been bad, lads!

HANDSOME WALTZER BOY. It’s been mostly bad!

TATTOOED FORTUNE-TELLER LADY. What they did to our friend back at Hallowe’en – the delight they got from his miserable story…!!

YORKSHIRE TERRIER MAN. Look, it’ll be Christmas Day soon – and though we’re tired and a little bit broken –

TATTOOED FORTUNE-TELLER LADY. And sick to death of bird pie!!

YORKSHIRE TERRIER MAN. And sick of bird pie yeah – but what better day of the year to stand in the garden and see our fairground carried and delivered right here in front of us! Imagine that Christmas present, pals!

The HANDSOME WALTZER BOY is not ready to be lifted from his depression.

HANDSOME WALTZER BOY. Seriously – I’m cracking up. Somethin’s gotta give – I can feel it.

YORKSHIRE TERRIER MAN. Don’t.

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