Reviving Ophelia 25th Anniversary Edition by Mary Pipher PhD & Sara Gilliam

Author:Mary Pipher, PhD & Sara Gilliam [Pipher, Mary & Gilliam, Sara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2019-06-04T00:00:00+00:00

TARYN (14)

Lois called for an emergency appointment after her daughter shoved her. That afternoon in my office she spoke softly, glancing nervously at her daughter with every sentence. Her daughter, Taryn, dark-haired and muscular, was much more outspoken. She interrupted, contradicted, and insulted her mother at every juncture. Taryn was good at blaming, and Lois was good at accepting blame. Watching the two of them interact, I could see how conflicts might escalate into violence.

Until two years ago, when her parents divorced, Taryn had led the life of a pampered only child. Her father was a banker and her mother was an audiologist. They lived in a small community a hundred miles from our city, where Taryn was the biggest duck in the puddle. Her father’s grandparents had been the founders of the town. Everyone knew and respected her family.

Then Lois went to a convention in Los Angeles, and when she came home she asked for a divorce. She had had an affair at the convention, but that wasn’t really the issue. The affair made her realize that the marriage wasn’t working, that the relationship with her husband was strained beyond fixing. She announced that she wanted to move to a city where she could build a life of her own.

I looked at this small, shy woman and was amazed at her boldness. “I know the affair was wrong. I’ve apologized to Randy and to Taryn, but the divorce was right for me,” Lois said. “I have never been happier than this last year.”

Taryn groaned. “Yeah, but what about me and Dad? You ruined our lives.”

Lois spread her palms upward in a hopeless gesture and looked beseechingly at me. I could tell that she wanted to defend herself but felt too guilty. I asked Taryn to tell me what happened after the divorce.

“At first, I stayed with Dad, but that didn’t work out. He spent all his time at the bank and the country club.”

She glared at Lois, who continued the story. “Taryn wasn’t getting much supervision. Her grades dropped and she skipped school. Randy couldn’t control her. He had always left the discipline to me. Finally, he gave up and sent her here.”

Lois looked at her daughter. “After the separation, I tried to stay close, but she was too angry. When Randy brought Taryn down, I was eager to reunite with her but also afraid. I had my own life for the first time, a good job and friends. I didn’t want everything screwed up by Taryn’s anger.”

“Nobody wants me.” Taryn tossed her black hair. “I’m pissed. I miss our big house. Now we’re in a cramped apartment. I miss my boyfriend. I hate Mom’s friends and the kids at school. This whole thing is an enormous fucking drag.”

Lois said, “It’s hard for her. She knew everyone in town and was involved with everything—music, sports, and the church. A city is a big adjustment. I thought we could work things out, but recently Taryn has been hitting me.” She showed me a bruise on her left arm.

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