Red Lights by Garry Crystal

Author:Garry Crystal
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: post traumatic stress disorder, suicide, near death experiences, healing, death and grief, a death in the family, love affairs, affairs divorce and love stories, mental health issues, anxiety and depression, mystery, contemporary fiction, facing trauma, the afterlife, books about loss, books about grief, 13 reasons why, suicide forest, reincarnation, camus, atheism, christianity, religious beliefs, spiritual books, inspirational, agnostics, existentialism, existential angst, nihilism
Publisher: Garry Crystal
Published: 2019-10-22T00:00:00+00:00

“I walked, it’s not far, or don’t you remember? I'm not going home. I'm going to the gallery. They have a temporary exhibition I want to see.”

***

I was far from in the mood to be standing looking at an exhibition of Caravaggio paintings. It had been a long time since I’d had a hangover this bad, and being with Taliya made me uneasy, nervous, because I was fully aware that I had to watch everything I said in order not to antagonise her or set her off because she’d leave without a second thought. We’d been standing at this one painting longer than all of the others combined.

“Well it’s horrific really,” I said, wanting to turn away from the painting but finding myself unable to do so.

“But not for her. Her expression, look, it’s as if she’s a child pulling the wings from a butterfly for the first time.”

“I never did that as a child.”

“No?”

“No,” I replied. “Why would I pull the wings off of a butterfly?”

“To see what will happen? But no, I didn’t do that either.”

I sat down on the padded bench directly in front of the painting. Taliya stood for another minute or so in front of the large, framed canvas, and when I looked up it seemed for a moment as if she was actually in the painting, standing just in front of the old woman, both of them looking down at the man lying in the bed. His eyes - a mixture of horror and confusion - stared up towards Taliya, unable to stop what was happening because he didn’t actually believe it was happening.

Dizziness hit me and I dropped my head, releasing the tension in my neck.

“Are you okay?” Taliya sat down next to me.

“Nauseous.” I took a few deep breaths. “It’ll pass.”

“I’ll get you some water.”

Before I can tell her not to bother she’s already walked across the wooden floorboards, leaving me alone in the large gallery space where I do my best not to look at the horrific image in front of me.

A few minutes later she reappeared and handed me a plastic cup half–filled with ice–cold water, which I drink down but realise it’s in no way going to stop the thirst or keep my mouth from drying up.

“When are you leaving?” she asked.

“I need to get out of here. I need some air. I honestly can’t look at this painting any longer. Every time I do I feel acid rising into my mouth, seeping into my gums.”

“Okay. Well, I'm going to keep looking around then.”

“Today,” I sighed, wiping my dry lips with my fingers. “I'm leaving today.”

“Then wait for me in the van. I won’t be too long.”

I watched her through the windscreen as she walked towards the van. Her arms were folded just below her chest and she looked down at the ground as she walked. I remembered that this was the way she always walked when out in public. She kept people in her peripheral vision but made sure there was no eye contact.

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