Raising Boys to Be Good Men by Aaron Gouveia

Author:Aaron Gouveia
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781510749429
Publisher: Skyhorse
Published: 2020-06-03T16:00:00+00:00

PARENTING TIP #23: Don’t teach boys that sexual abuse is acceptable

When I was in eighth grade, I distinctly remember being infatuated with one of our substitute teachers. She was young, effervescent, blonde, and I thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. A bunch of us boys would always marvel at her and wonder which of us she’d choose to be with if the opportunity ever presented itself outside of school. We were thirteen years old, dumb as rocks, and navigating a sea of raging hormones and miniscule knowledge of what was happening to our bodies.

One day, we were all hanging out at someone’s house, and the subject about wanting to be romantically involved with our teacher came up again—only this time, our friend’s dad was in the room. When we realized that he’d heard us, I worried we’d be in trouble. However, that wasn’t the case. Instead, he kind of smiled and said, “You wish you were that lucky.”

I thought it was funny at the time. Now? Well, I’ve realized our friend’s dad basically told a bunch of thirteen-year-old boys that we’d be “lucky” to be raped.

There’s a seminal moment in the movie A Time to Kill when Matthew McConaughey’s character is attempting to convince a jury to acquit his client, played by Samuel L. Jackson. Jackson, a black father in racially charged Mississippi, is on trial for killing the two white men who raped and tortured his young daughter. With the all-white jury champing at the bit to convict his client, McConaughey makes them close their eyes as he painstakingly details the unspeakable horrors visited upon the young girl. But because he knows the jury is racist and unable to see her as human, the lawyer makes one final plea.

“Now, imagine she’s white.”

I thought of this scene when I was researching the string of incidents involving female teachers having sex with their underage students.41 The trend seems to be similar in all the cases, with attractive teachers in their twenties and early thirties allegedly initiating sexual contact with children ranging in age from thirteen to seventeen. In some cases, the affairs last for years even though some of the teachers are married and have families. Here’s where I harness my inner Matthew McConaughey:

“Now, imagine it’s a male teacher—and the student is female.”

When we hear about teachers who sexually abuse their students, we often imagine a creepy male teacher who has taken advantage of a naïve, innocent female student. We label the abuser a sicko, pervert, and child molester. Fathers talk about the beatings they would inflict on the monster who dared violate their little girl. Heads shake in unison at the horrors the young, innocent victim had had to endure at the hands of a disgusting criminal. But here are some of the things I’ve heard and read people say when stories about female teachers taking advantage of male students make the headlines.

“Good for him!”

“Where were those teachers when I was in school?”

“Wow. That’s the luckiest kid in the world.

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