Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon

Author:Dr. Thomas Gordon
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307453167
Publisher: Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony
Published: 2008-06-02T16:00:00+00:00

Few parents see the connection between their children’s lack of motivation to help and the fact that decisions about chores are generally made by Method I. An “uncooperative” child is simply a child whose parents, through Method I decision-making, have in effect denied him a chance to cooperate. Cooperation is never fostered by making a child do something.

Another predictable outcome of Method I is that the child is denied the opportunity to develop self-discipline—inner-directed, self-initiated, responsible behavior. One of the most universally accepted myths about child-rearing is that if parents force their young children to do things, they will turn out to be self-disciplined and responsible persons. While it is true that some children cope with heavy parental authority by being obedient, conforming, and submissive, they usually turn out to be persons who depend upon external authority to control their behavior. As adolescents or adults, they show an absence of inner controls; they go through life jumping from one authority figure to the next to find answers to their lives or seek controls on their behavior. These people lack self-discipline, inner controls, or self-responsibility because they were never given a chance to acquire these traits.

If parents could learn only one thing from this book, I wish it were this: Each and every time they force a child to do something by using their power or authority, they deny that child a chance to learn self-discipline and self-responsibility.

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