Our Boys Speak by John Nikkah

Author:John Nikkah
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Published: 2012-02-09T16:00:00+00:00

Richard Jackson, Congers, New York

A

TINY

DROP

OF BLOOD

DRIPS SLOWLY

OFF THE KNIFE OF

THE SERIAL KILLER, ON

THE FLOOR NOTHING BUT

RED, NOT A SOUND IN THE AIR

FOR THEY ARE ALL DEAD, NO MORE

FIGHTS ON CHRISTMAS, NO MORE BITCHING

ABOUT THE FOOD, ’CAUSE I KILLED THEM ALL,

LIKE THE VOICES SAID I SHOULD, WITH THE

BLOOD ON THE WALLS AND ALL OVER

MY FACE, I NEVER STOPPED TO

THINK HOW TO GET OUT

OF THIS PLACE.

7

Free to Be

THROUGHOUT MY CHILDHOOD, I always knew exactly what it was that I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be a doctor like my father. Even when I was too young to understand what he did, I could see the respect and admiration he inspired in others. At that point, I didn’t care about what he did so much as the fact that I wanted to be just like him when I grew up.

When I finally grasped what my father did for a living, my motivation was not deterred. In fact, I could hardly wait to start following in his footsteps. It didn’t even matter that he was away from home so much of the time. I was determined to have everything he had: pride in his work, respect from his peers, and a happy, fulfilling family life. At the time, I thought all doctors were instantly granted these things along with their diplomas.

The more I studied in school and applied myself, the prouder I felt. I thought I was that much closer to becoming more like him, and that was always my main goal. Through high school and even college, I worked hard to get good grades. I never once questioned my decision to become a doctor. I had sworn to become an M.D. and would die trying.

Needless to say, I didn’t become a doctor. But I didn’t abandon my desire to help others either. I was still planning to involve myself in the health profession and pursue a Ph.D. in psychology, but something about my desire to become a medical doctor had waned. I soon realized that it wasn’t so much being a doctor that interested me, as much as being more like my father.

When I discovered this about myself, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. I realized that I had been pushing myself to achieve something I really had no interest in. It was that precise moment that marked my entry into manhood. I had made a decision that had nothing to do with my parents’ or society’s expectations. I had asserted my independence once and for all.

Nowadays, when I meet a young boy, I always wonder about what it is he wants to be. Used to be we all wanted to be firefighters or police officers. But no longer. Saddled with more expectations than ever before, today’s young men seem as if they’d come out of the womb with a burning desire to pursue careers in law, medicine, and high finance.

But expectations don’t only come in the form of career choices. Emotional and behavioral expectations and misconceptions are still keeping our boys from fully realizing their potential.

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