One of the Good Guys by Araminta Hall

Author:Araminta Hall [Hall, Araminta]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
Published: 2023-11-07T17:00:00+00:00

Twenty-three months earlier

The restaurant was a bad idea. Neither of us wants to be here and Cole physically cringes as we step into the opulent reception. But I can’t bear the idea of spending another evening in our flat with blood dripping out of me and so I let the fawning waiter show us to our table.

‘I wonder where they’re flying in the mangos from at this time of year,’ Cole says as he scans the menu. ‘Bloody hell, you could feed a family of four for a week on one bottle of wine.’

I shut my menu. ‘We can go. It’s posher than I realized.’

But he shakes his head. ‘No, no. Let’s get some food in you at least.’

I don’t put up a fight because the bleeding and the guilt are exhausting. Dr Leggart said it’s just one of those things, but I think we all know it’s my fault. We order and Cole sighs at the glass of wine I ask for, sticking pointedly to mineral water.

‘Why don’t you have one? It would do you good to relax,’ I say.

‘I don’t need wine to relax,’ he says. ‘It doesn’t help anything, you know. Anyway, I think I’ve got a headache coming.’

I can’t help rolling my eyes as I take the first delicious sip. ‘Well, I’m going to have one. It’s been a terrible week.’

‘Of course it has.’

‘I didn’t mean only for me.’

‘I know you didn’t.’

We stop speaking, one of those awful silent married couples you sometimes see in restaurants. I’d always thought they had nothing to say to each other, but now I wonder if they’re quiet because the only things they have left to say are too painful. The waiter puts our food in front of us. We’ve both gone straight to mains, and I doubt either of us will have dessert. My wine glass is empty, but I refuse another, despite longing for one, because the alcohol hasn’t yet touched the edges of my anxiety. My chicken is coated in a creamy sauce that makes me feel sick.

‘Did you speak to Dr Leggart about when we can start the next round?’ Cole asks.

‘No.’ I don’t tell him that I couldn’t face making the call.

‘It’s fine. I’ll give him a call tomorrow.’

The chicken defeats me and I put down my cutlery. ‘Perhaps we could give it a bit of time.’ I’m worried about what might happen if we start another round too soon, not just to my body, but also to my mind. I’ve started getting these weird compulsions to dig into my skin and see what lies beneath. Not that I’ve done anything and not that I would, but I feel unsafe.

The skin around Cole’s eyes looks tight and dark. ‘Do you think that’s wise?’

I scratch along the inside of my arm, leaving a red welt on the skin which we both notice. ‘I wouldn’t mind a bit of a break.’

He raises his eyebrows slightly. ‘What, as in time off work?’

‘I mean a break from the IVF.’

His shoulders slump.

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