Negotiating at Home: Essential Steps for Reaching Agreement with Your Kids by Kurtzberg Terri R.; Kern Mary C.;

Author:Kurtzberg, Terri R.; Kern, Mary C.;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: ABC-CLIO, LLC
Published: 2020-07-14T16:00:00+00:00

Tagging You In and Out

Much as we don’t mean to, sometimes we lose our cool entirely when dealing with our kids. Kids are born button-pushers, and they need to learn by experience where the line is on how far they can push before we crack. Unfortunately, these moments make rational thought and reasoned negotiations very difficult. Fortunately, it’s rare for two people to both get mad to the same degree at the same moment about the same thing. Having a second person be able to moderate the overall emotional tone in a potentially heated exchange can make the difference between having a reasonable discussion with a chance at an agreement and having a shouting match that could end with more trauma than it started with. This is useful both for getting to a solution, as well as modeling effective ways to handle emotions.4

Stories from Home: My daughter kept using that particular tone of voice that sets me on edge and I kept blowing up at her in response, and then feeling angry with myself for how I was handling these negotiations. I was worried about the lingering impact on our relationship. I knew it kept happening, but I didn’t know what to do. My spouse ended up being really helpful—he stepped in and talked to her when I couldn’t do it anymore, then he let me vent to him instead of yelling at her, and he also made suggestions about what I could do differently when I talked to her based on what worked for him.

Key Point: Use other family members to lend you support and to do the things they’re good at.

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