My Weird School Special by Dan Gutman

Author:Dan Gutman
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: HarperCollins

9

Take a Chill Pill

When I came out of the bathroom wearing my regular clothes, the whole gang clapped me on the back.

“You were awesome, A.J.!” said Alexia.

“Those girls didn’t suspect a thing,” said Ryan.

“How did you know the words to that dumb song?” asked Michael.

“It’s been stuck in my head all week!” I admitted.

We hustled through the crowd to get back to Santa’s Workshop, all the way at the other end of the mall. It took a long time to find Andrea and Emily. They were close to the front of the line now.

“Where were you?” Andrea asked with her mean face on. “What took you so long?”

“It’s almost our turn to meet Santa!” said Emily.

“Take a chill pill,” I told them. “We’re here, right?”

I could see Santa Claus now. He was sitting on this big throne with his red suit, red hat, white beard, and black boots—the whole getup. Santa was fat and jolly, just like I imagined. He was surrounded by Christmas trees, presents, fake snow, and a giant nutcracker on each side.*

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” Santa bellowed.

“Y’know, I’m not sure that’s the real Santa,” said Neil the nude kid.

“It looks like Santa to me,” said Michael.

“I’m so excited!” said Andrea, rubbing her hands together.

Soon it would be our turn. We were on pins and needles.

Well, not really. We were just standing there. If we were on pins and needles, it would have hurt.

I got up on my tiptoes to look all around. There were so many happy, smiling faces. Christmas trees. Twinkling lights. Jingle bells jingling. It was a beautiful scene.

“Ah,” I said, “I love the smell of tinsel at Christmastime.”

“Tinsel doesn’t smell, dumbhead,” said Andrea. “That’s pine needles that you smell.”

“It’s your face that I smell,” I said.

Why can’t a truck full of tinsel fall on Andrea’s head?

Just then, one of Santa’s elves came running down the line of kids. “It’s almost your turn to meet Santa!” she said.

That’s when I realized that the elf wasn’t a real elf. It was our librarian, Mrs. Roopy! She was dressed up like an elf!

“Mrs. Roopy!” I said. “What are you doing here?”

“Who’s Mrs. Roopy?” asked Mrs. Roopy. “I’m one of Santa’s helpers from the North Pole.”

She wasn’t fooling anybody. It was Mrs. Roopy for sure. That’s when I realized that all of Santa’s helpers were grown-ups from our school. The guy playing Christmas songs on the organ was our music teacher, Mr. Loring. The lady dressed up like Frosty the Snowman was our custodian, Miss Lazar. Another one of the elves was our Spanish teacher, Miss Holly.

“Miss Holly!” I said when I saw her. “What are you doing here?”

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