Motherducking Magic by Michelle Fox

Author:Michelle Fox [Michelle Fox]
Language: eng
Format: epub

***

I jerked awake as something bumped my crotch. Blinking, I opened my eyes to see Blart nosing between my legs. Immense relief washed over me. My familiar was safe and already being annoying, like nothing had happened. Awesome. Seriously. This was the best news I'd had in days, even if it was all up in my privates.

"Ew. Stop that." I rolled away from Blart, dodging his very energetic tongue. Happy as I was to see him, I could do without the big dose of slobber. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I sat up and tried to sort out what had happened and where I was.

Where was a narrow ditch along the side of the road. As for what, I had a couple of party souvenirs. Sheridon's punch throbbed across my face and my hands were still duct taped together. The scariest part? It was close to noon judging from the position of the sun in the sky. Fantastic. I'd missed the High Priestess' deadline. Go me.

I had a feeling being unconscious in a ditch with Blart's nose up my nethers was going to be the best part of my day.

Blart barked and lunged for my face, his long tongue coming for me. Apparently my life being in the toilet smelled good. I shoved him away.

"Magic. All fun and games until someone gets dumped in a ditch." I did an awkward limbo with my duct taped hands and fished my knife out of its sheath. With a quick thrust, I sawed through the tape. Blart responded to my voice by trying to jump up and put his paws on my shoulders, oblivious to the sharp knife. That was really his only magic power—not dying of stupidity. I fended him off with one hand while I tucked the knife back into its spot and then pulled him in for a hug.

"I'm glad you're okay, buddy. Now, be a useful familiar and turn back time, will ya?"

Blart just panted at me.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." I climbed out of the ditch and scanned the area. The road was empty and any cross roads were too far away for me to read the street signs. I checked my phone, which had survived inside a zipper pocket...no bars. And humans said magic was unreliable. Had they even met the cell phone networks of the world?

I picked a direction and walked, holding my phone up like a dowsing rod. I just needed one bar, even a half bar, or a speck of a bar. I'd take anything resembling a signal. I also hoped things would somehow look better the longer I was awake. So far...no.

A quarter mile down the road I got a bar. Here was the point of no return, the point where I couldn't pretend everything was somehow fine. Biting my lip, I went in. No sense in delaying the pain. The phone showed fifty missed calls and dozens of 'where are you' texts.

Oh, duck me. This was going to suck like nothing had ever sucked before.

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