More Blood Sex & Scooby Snacks by Watson Ian

Author:Watson, Ian [Watson, Ian]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2013-11-21T00:00:00+00:00

ONE MISSED CALL (2008)

“What Will It Sound Like When You Die?”

Directed by Eric Valette; Written by Andrew Klavan, based on a script by Minako Daira; Produced by Andrew A Kosove, Scott Kroopf and Broderick Johnson.

MEDDLING KIDS

Beth (Shannon Sossamon) is The Damsel In Distress

Shelley (Megan Good) is Doomed Friend #1

Leann (Azure Skye) is Doomed Friend #2

Brian (Johnny Lewis) is Doomed Friend #3

Taylor (Ana Claudia Talancon) is Doomed Friend #4

UNHELPFUL ADULTS

Detective Andrews (Edward Burns) The Hunky Cop

Ted Summers (Ray Wise) The Slimy TV Producer

VILLAINS

Ellie Layton (Ariel Winter)

Marie Layton (Rhoda Griffis)

This is the American remake of a Japanese movie about a ghost that uses cell phones to attack people, so it’s not to be confused with the American remake of a Japanese movie about a ghost that uses a videotape to attack people (The Ring) or the American remake of a Japanese movie about a ghost that uses water to attack people (Dark Water). Nor should it be confused with the American remake of a Korean movie about a ghost that uses mirrors to attack people (Mirrors) or the American remake of a Thai movie about a ghost that uses photographs to attack people (Shutter). And it’s completely different from Cello, Wishing Stairs, The Red Shoes or Acacia, where ghosts used Cellos, staircases, shoes and trees to attack people.

Also, any similarity to The Wig, a Korean movie about a hairpiece possessed by a ghost, is purely coincidental. Platinum Dunes is producing a remake called Hell Toupee.

It’s not good when you receive a voicemail from your future self, start hallucinating CG insects and see zombies on every street corner. It means you’re appearing in this film. It also means you’re going to die on the date the call was made, most likely in one of those ‘accidents’ beloved by the makers of the Final Destination films. Or the filmmakers might just say “Screw it” and go for a cheap shock, such as when one victim is pulled underwater by hands that, moments later, also drag off her cat.

When poor, doomed Taylor gets the call, she destroys her phone which, naturally, makes no difference. Realizing she’s a marked woman, she does what anyone else in her shoes would – she accepts an offer to be exorcised on a TV reality show. Picture her best friend’s surprise when she sees the trailer: “A cell phone rings and Death is one the line! A beautiful co-ed, a ticking clock of ghastly murder….NEXT on American Miracles!” However, that’s nothing compared to the reaction of the fire-and-brimstone exorcist, who can’t figure out why the exploding lights, choking starlet and sudden appearance of the Antichrist weren’t in the script.

As in The Ring. Dark Water etc, it’s all something to do with a woman that died horribly, whose unquiet spirit can only be laid to rest by uncovering her body etc etc etc. Here, that honour falls to troubled Beth, who when she isn’t having flashbacks to her messed-up childhood is making goo-goo eyes at Detective Edwards, the sympathetic cop that helps her locate the corpse.

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