Mindful Relationships: Creating Genuine Connection with Ourselves and Others by Dr Richard Chambers & Margie Ulbrick

Author:Dr Richard Chambers & Margie Ulbrick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Exisle Publishing

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EXERCISE: LEARNING HOW TO FIGHT FAIR

First, recognize that disagreements and fights are inevitable in any relationship. The trick is to learn to do it effectively.

Pick a calm time when you are not fighting to discuss what the fights might mean and look underneath to see what they represent.

For example, do you fight about money? Maybe you are worried about your future security or about losing a sense of control. Do you each have different attitudes to spending and saving and if so where do these come from?

Do you fight about children? If so, discuss how were you raised and what your values are around childrearing.

If you fight about how each person spends their time, what are your expectations and hopes for connection and intimacy?

Spend time listening deeply to each person’s point of view and make some rules about the discussions. You might like to decide ahead of time that neither will interrupt the other. You might agree not to be negative, blaming or critical but to listen with a sense of curiosity as you really try to understand where each other is coming from.

Experiment with establishing your own ground rules for fairness, particularly around loaded issues.

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