Manhood: How to Be a Better Man - or Just Live with One by Crews Terry

Author:Crews, Terry [Crews, Terry]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Tags: Itzy, Kickass.to
ISBN: 9780804178068
Publisher: Zinc Ink
Published: 2014-05-20T04:00:00+00:00

BY THIS POINT, I WAS SO GLAD TO STILL BE IN THE GAME, and I had no more bubbles left to burst. I was fortunate because football was never my be-all and end-all, but I saw so many guys who got worn down under the realities and the physical brutality of the NFL. Some of that was really dark to witness, but as long as I was there, I was going to play my hardest and enjoy how far my perseverance had taken me.

In hindsight, I can see now how my double life created two distinct personalities in me: One was this big grandstanding, moralizing person who viewed life according to the Pollyanna principle. My optimism was eclipsed only by my drive to win at all costs, and I wasn’t going to let anybody get in my way, not even my wife or other family members. I saw every criticism as a takedown and an attempt to stifle my greatness, and I morally harangued anyone who disagreed. Playing football kept me in a world of slogans and mantras: “No pain, no gain.” “Those who stay will be champions.” “Winning is everything.” “Work hard, play harder.”

But when I was alone, it was like all of that fake optimism caught up with me. My faults and failures were always right there to remind me that I wasn’t practicing what I preached. Acting out with pornography created a spiral of depression that sent me right back to more acting out. Which in turn created more shame. So I felt the need to do something great and praiseworthy in order to prove to myself I wasn’t as bad as I seemed. I’m sure I was hell to live with, and I am truly thankful to my wife and family for not giving up on me during this time in my life.

I can never forget the people who’d helped me and believed in me along the way, and while I was on the Chargers, I finally had the chance to acknowledge one of them. We had a game in Kansas City, and I wanted to fly Coach Lee in to see me play. I couldn’t get him sideline passes, but I had tickets for him, and I figured what really mattered was for him to know how much I appreciated him. I called him up.

“I want you to come out here,” I said. “And I want you to see what one good word to a little boy can do.”

I’d told my Chargers coaches how much Coach Lee meant to me, and one of these coaches ended up meeting Coach Lee at the hotel bar and giving him sideline passes and coach’s credentials. I can’t even tell you how special that was for me: Here was Coach Lee, the first person who’d ever really believed in me, sitting there as a coach, on the side of an NFL game, watching me play. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Seeing him there, it was so clear to me: Dreams do come true.

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