Love Beyond Monogamy by Brian G. Murphy

Author:Brian G. Murphy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2025-09-18T00:00:00+00:00

Commitment Clarity Checklist: For love and faith

LGBTQ+ people—monogamous or open—are more likely than our straight, cisgender counterparts to explicitly define what is and is not in the bounds of our agreements, particularly around monogamy. Of course, polyamorous and non-monogamous people are even more intentional and explicit about defining their relationship boundaries and commitments. Where you draw the “monogamy” or “cheating” line is highly individualized. In my work as a relationship coach, nearly every client is certain they are clear about exactly what counts as monogamy or cheating—and yet they are almost all different from one another. This differing idea on where “the line” is often includes people who are in a monogamous relationship together! One exercise I walk clients through is the Commitment Clarity Checklist. This is an assessment of your understanding of what is inside or outside the bounds of your relationship agreement, at this moment. It is a tool to create more security and connection in a relationship, while opening the door for future possibility in a way that feels safe and committed, and includes defining activities such as:

masturbating alone

masturbating with another person present

watching porn

watching a porn livestream

interacting with sexually charged social media posts

exchanging sexually explicit direct messages with others

dancing with a friend at a club

dancing with a flirtatious stranger at a club

kissing friends

going to a nude beach

being in a steam room where sex is happening

logging into an online dating app but not messaging anyone

talking on a dating/hookup app but not meeting up

having long conversations about deep, vulnerable, emotional topics with someone who is not your family member or partner.

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