Lord of a Visible World: An Autobiography in Letters by H. P. Lovecraft

Author:H. P. Lovecraft [Lovecraft, H. P.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hippocampus Press
Published: 2019-11-17T20:00:00+00:00

Impending Return

[Finally, in the latter half of 1925 and into 1926, Lovecraft’s aunts began to consider his return to Providence. A startling prelude to the discussion comes in August 1925, when Lovecraft defends himself against the notion that he is excessively tied to his possessions, maintaining that they alone are keeping him from a breakdown.]

25. To Lillian D. Clark, August 8, 1925 (LFF 339).

Yes—on paper it is easy to say that “possessions are a burden”, and that it is wisest to have nothing, but merely to live in a valise or trunk . . . . and so on . . . . fine theory indeed! But in actual fact it all depends on the person. Each individual’s reason for living is different . . . i.e., to each individual there is some one thing or group of things which form the focus of all his interests and nucleus of all his emotions; and without which the mere process of survival not only means nothing whatsoever, but is often an intolerable load and anguish. Those to whom old associations and possessions do not form this single interest and life-necessity, may well sermonise on the folly of “slavery to worldly goods”—so long as they do not try to enforce their doctrines on others. They are lucky—chance has been kind to them! But to others who are so constituted as to require tangible links with their background, it is useless to preach such ideals and hypotheses. Nature has given their nervous systems other needs; and to advise them to burn their goods for freedom’s sake is as silly as to advise them to cut off their legs in order to escape the burden of buying trousers. It so happens that I am unable to take pleasure or interest in anything but a mental re-creation of other and better days—for in sooth, I see no possibility of ever encountering a really congenial milieu or living among civilised people with old Yankee historic memories again—so in order to avoid the madness which leads to violence and suicide I must cling to the few shreds of old days and old ways which are left to me. Therefore no one need expect me to discard the ponderous furniture and paintings and clocks and books which help to keep 454 always in my dreams. When they go, I shall go, for they are all that make it possible for me to open my eyes in the morning or look forward to another day of consciousness without screaming in sheer desperation and pounding the walls and floor in a frenzied clamour to be waked up out of the nightmare of “reality” and my own room in Providence. Yes—such sensitivenesses of temperament are very inconvenient when one has no money—but it’s easier to criticise than to cure them. When a poor fool possessing them allows himself to get exiled and sidetracked through temporarily false perspective and ignorance of the world, the only thing to do is to let him cling to his pathetic scraps as long as he can hold them.

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