Lift as You Climb by Viv Groskop

Author:Viv Groskop [Groskop, Viv]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473574830
Publisher: Transworld
Published: 2019-01-09T00:00:00+00:00

CLIMB

• The best overall fix for changing your behaviour and the behaviour of others in meetings can sometimes be to do nothing for a while. Get used to being silent and watching and waiting. Especially if you have repeated patterns in your work (a meeting every Monday morning, for example), allow yourself three or four weeks where you sit back and observe what happens, naturally and without judgement. This is a useful habit because (a) you get used to neutral observation, which can often be a handy tool in life and (b) if you are not focused on participating and how you’re being treated, you start to notice all sorts of interesting things about the dynamics in play. This kind of observation shows you where the flaws are, and that they may have nothing to do with you. It allows you to start thinking about how others are being treated, too.

• Challenge meeting culture in your place of work. And challenge it in every group dynamic where you feel you are not being heard. If you have a group of friends at work where no one ever listens to you and you get pushed to the back, get a new group of friends. Socialize with a different department. Or organize a social event where you are the one in charge. At work, ask if you can run a meeting, just to shake things up or for the experience or for the practice. Do not wait to be asked. And outside of work, do not wait for your friends to change. They are not going to change.

• Watch people you work with whose behaviour you admire and try to absorb bits of it. Who behaves well in meetings? Be like them. Who speaks well? Be like them. Ask them how they prepare and how they get over feelings of self-consciousness.

• Ask if you can be in the room even as an observer. Many women report that there are meetings and rooms they can’t get into. There is a good (unspoken, unconscious) reason why you are not in that room, so it is not going to be an easy deadlock to break. Being straightforward can work: ‘I know I’m not excluded from this meeting, so I’d like to sit in.’ Your next step is to manage the transition from onlooker to participant. Some people feel wary about being in meetings where they say nothing and don’t contribute. But you can’t make a difference to a set-up until you understand how it works. You don’t expect to act in a play before you have seen many other plays, learned your lines and rehearsed. (Not to mention that in a play you have a director and a supporting cast.) Why would you expect to go into a meeting for the first time and blow everyone away?

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