Letters to Felice by Franz Kafka

Author:Franz Kafka [Kafka, Franz]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Schocken Books
Published: 2013-06-25T16:00:00+00:00

June 22

That was written on Saturday evening, it is now Sunday afternoon; I am to see Werfel and others, and have to meet my parents at the station at 5130. I slept for only a very short timed last night, my head is not right, I don’t know whether I shall be able to write down everything properly the way I want to.

At any rate you will have to include in your considerations the fact that I am by no means secure in my position at the office; the states of despair I am in on account of my office work, on account of this dreadful impediment to my life, keep recurring and getting worse, because the strength to restore the balance is constantly diminished by the very impossibility of the task. Several times I have been almost on the point of giving notice, and what is not being achieved by a definite decision may well be achieved automatically by my incapacity to carry out my work, which at times has been tremendous and carefully noted by my superiors. But what then?

And even if and as long as I am there, thus at best, a relative best, my wife and I will be a poor couple who will have to apportion their 4,588 kronen with care. We shall be very much poorer than my sisters, for instance, who are comparatively well off. (I can expect nothing from my parents, at least in their lifetime.) We shall be poorer than either Max or Oskar. Won’t that embarrass my wife and for this reason, for this reason alone, embarrass me too? Will she accept that? And should there be exceptional expenditures owing to illness or the like, we would be in debt at once. Will she accept that, too?

Several times in the past you have mentioned some sorrow that your family had to suffer and accept. What kind of sorrow was it? Might it serve as a test of endurance for other sorrows?

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