Laying Down the Law by Ruth Peters

Author:Ruth Peters
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: dr. ruth, ruth peters, parenting advice, raising kids, parenting, family values
Publisher: Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2002-05-19T04:00:00+00:00

LAW #14

The Law of Compassion:

Teach Empathy and Volunteerism

If kids seem more selfish today, maybe it’s because they spend so much time traveling in packs of other kids, pretty much doing things for enjoyment or their own personal entertainment. Empathy is one of the most teachable of emotions—but your child must be given the opportunity to learn it. No excuses, please—teach your kids compassion by volunteering with them, donating family time and perhaps a bit of your own resources. Discuss, teach, and live gratitude, and so will your children.

Some friends of ours have made such a strong impression on my family that they’ve convinced me to make an addition to my list of parenting priorities. Providing discipline, structure, involvement, and limit setting were always my primary focus, but these folks added a new dimension to what I now believe to be mandatory for raising good kids. And that element focuses upon compassion, empathy, and volunteerism. Let me tell you about this family.

Roger is an insurance broker and his wife, Gina, a fifth-grade teacher. They have eight children—Daniel, Scott, Christopher, Maggie, Rena, Max, and Barbara. Oh yeah, and Jimmy—the baby, who tends to get lost in the commotion of everyday life. Really nice kids, all with their quirks and challenging personality features, including a few who can be downright ornery at times. But there is one thing about Roger and Gina’s brood that I admire above all—most have an exquisite compassion for others. In talking with the parents, I recognize their own empathy for people who have less, their willingness to take time out of busy schedules to volunteer in the community, and the moral conviction to teach these values to their children.

Notice that I said that most of the children behave compassionately—let me explain. Of the eight kids, six are right in there with their folks when it’s time to help others or to give of themselves. Even 2-year-old Jimmy has been known to offer his teddy when a sibling is crying or hurt. But Maggie and Scott seem to be cut out of a slightly different cloth. Sure, they’ve observed their family helping others for years, just as their siblings have, but somehow it didn’t stick quite as firmly as it has with the others. These two are obviously just going through the motions—serving food once a month at a local soup kitchen and gathering labels and newspapers to donate to their school. But they just don’t appear to take joy in their giving; it’s more an act of following their parents’ behavior because the folks are watching. I’ve concluded that there’s only so much one can do to nurture nature, and Maggie and Scott appear to be more self-absorbed than their siblings. But they are still benefiting from the training they are receiving by engaging in acts of volunteerism and giving to the community. Hopefully, as they mature, the empathy will internalize and become second nature.

How, you might ask, can two working parents of eight find the time to volunteer and give to others? Well, they just make the time.

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