Inferno by Catherine Cho

Author:Catherine Cho
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

‘Catherine?’

I’m colouring with Darren. He’s working on a picture of a leopard, and I have one of a unicorn.

It’s Christine, the social worker. Everyone knows who she is. Whenever she leaves the glass enclosure, she’s immediately trailed by residents. They follow her from room to room; ‘Christine, Christine,’ they call. She ignores them. She usually looks frazzled.

She looks nervous now.

‘Come with me,’ she says, and I follow her into the activity room. I can feel the eyes of the others following me.

Christine is wearing a crocheted pink beanie, and she bites her lip when she talks to me.

I try to remember to act naturally. I sit carefully, but then I pause, no, I shouldn’t sit too carefully, I don’t want to seem posed. Will she be able to decide when I get to leave? Or is it just the doctors?

I try to picture what I must look like, with my glasses and carefully tied hair and hoodie. She has a binder next to her. I wonder what it says about me.

We sit and look at one another. She doesn’t meet my eyes completely; she looks beyond them.

‘So,’ she says. She smiles at me.

I smile back, but not too widely. We could be two people sitting for a business meeting.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Good,’ I say. ‘I feel good.’

She starts to flip through the binder. ‘Your husband provided a lot of paperwork for us. He’s been very …’ she pauses, ‘involved.’

I smile. ‘That’s his personality,’ I say. ‘He’s very thorough.’ I wonder what exactly he’s provided for them. I see his annotations and notes in the margins.

She nods. ‘Do you have any questions for me?’ she asks.

I want to ask when I can leave, but I think of Will’s words, and so I start with another question first.

‘I want to know what meds I’m on,’ I say.

‘OK, so looking at your file, you’re on haloperidol and Benadryl.’

I’ve never heard of haloperidol.

‘Haloperidol is an antipsychotic.’ Christine seems to guess my thoughts.

‘Benadryl?’ I ask.

‘I think it’s to shut down your milk production,’ she says. She says it without emotion.

She waits for me to say something.

‘I want to know when I can leave,’ I say. The room seems to change, I feel Christine stiffen, but I try to look nonchalant.

‘When do you think you’ll be able to leave?’ she asks.

‘I’m not sure,’ I say. ‘I think it’s up to the doctors.’ I remember at the end to phrase it as a question.

Christine immediately waves her hands.

‘Oh, but it’s not up to the doctors! It’s up to you, it’s up to us working together as a team. Your husband, me, you, we’re all a team, so we’re going to work on it together,’ she says. I’m not sure what that means, but I try to stay calm.

Our meeting is interrupted by Dave, who is slamming his wheelchair against the door. ‘I need to speak to you!’ he says. ‘I see you’ve been discussing things with my paralegal, but it’s time for you to talk to me.’ Christine sighs.

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