Improving Your Emotional Intelligence In a Day For Dummies by Steven J. Stein

Author:Steven J. Stein
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2012-11-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 4

Managing Other People’s Emotions

In This Chapter

Controlling your reactions to others

Influencing other people’s emotions

Dealing with difficult people

You can’t easily change the behavior of other people. You can try all kinds of things that often amount to nagging, pushing, or cajoling — usually to no avail. You may tend to tell the other person why you want him to change his behavior. However, by focusing more on the other person and less on your own needs, wants, and desires, you can get closer to the desired change in the other person.

This chapter looks at why you can more effectively influence the behavior of others by managing your own emotions first. Then, I share some specific techniques that you can use to manage people you know, as well as the strangers you encounter. You can fit these techniques into your own personal style. Keep in mind the things you’ve tried in the past that worked and use what you’ve already figured out to help shape these suggestions.

Use these suggestions for common, everyday encounters with normal-functioning people. If the person you’re dealing with has a serious mental health problem of some kind, consult a legally qualified psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker.

Changing How You React to Others

The first step in managing the emotions of others is to understand your own emotions. Understanding where you’re coming from — your needs, wants, and desires — can help you deal with others because then you can get a clearer focus on the task at hand.

You can often get lost in your own world and the way in which you see things, and that perspective sometimes gets in the way of dealing with other people. Think of the people around you, identifying those whom you want to change in some way. For example:

I want my spouse to lose weight.

I want my parents to stop nagging me.

I want my best friend to care more about what I think.

I want my girlfriend to be more open about her feelings.

I want my friends to be more accepting.

I want my mother to listen more to others.

I want my sister to spend more time with me.

Think about some of the ways that you may have tried to accomplish these changes in the past. Start by looking at what you’ve tried before — what seemed to work and what didn’t work.

Being aware of your gut reaction

You probably have people around you whom you want to change in some way. You may want to change the people close to you the most. You can usually tell how successful you can be at changing someone you know. You can more likely succeed with small requests, as compared to large requests. If you listen to your gut feeling before you make the request, you can have a pretty good sense of how successful you’ll be.

Sometimes, your gut tells you for whom you want a person to make the change, as well. You may want the

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