I See Life Through Rosé-Colored Glasses by Lisa Scottoline

Author:Lisa Scottoline [Scottoline, Lisa]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, mobi
Published: 2018-07-10T14:00:00+00:00

Adult Toys

Lisa

Mommy got a new adult toy.

No, not that one.

I had that one already.

Please.

How long have we known each other?

Anyway, I don’t even bother anymore.

Who cares?

But I digress, before I even get started.

I’m talking about two other toys.

By the way, I’m making an exception to my usual rule not to talk about products, because the only product I endorse is my books. But if you’re not reading my novels by now, I don’t know what to say.

I don’t want to inflict guilt on you, even though I learned how from the master, Mother Mary.

She raised guilt-infliction to an art form.

When I did something she didn’t like, she would say, “You’re going to be sorry after I’m dead.”

And with that, she would pull out a kitchen drawer and slam it closed.

God knows why she did that with the drawer.

It was punctuation, South-Philly style.

But it did the trick, and in the end, she was right.

Mom, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for what I did or didn’t do.

Most of all, I’m sorry we had kitchen drawers.

That said, I’m in love with a kitchen gadget.

I will explain.

As you may know, I live a quiet life of reading, writing, and wrangling disobedient pets. My food routines include salad, spaghetti, and chocolate cake.

Not in order of preference.

And every morning I have a hard-boiled egg on toast with a slice of avocado or tomato.

So I have to peel a hard-boiled egg.

Can we talk about how freaking annoying it is to peel a hard-boiled egg?

I know, the problem begins with how you boil them in the first place, or how long you cool them, or the barometric pressure of the air in the tristate area, but I don’t care.

All I know is my hard-boiled eggs are impossible to peel.

Every morning, the shells come off in tiny little shards that take forever to peel off. I leave half of them on because I’m too lazy or hungry to bother. Then I wash the egg because dog hair was on my hands, and what I’m trying to tell you is this is way too much devotion to an egg.

Enter the Negg, a gadget that will automatically peel hard-boiled eggs.

My friend Nan is the one who discovered the Negg and she gave it to me as a present.

Thanks, Nan!

The Negg is a little plastic container big enough to fit one egg, and you put water inside to a certain point, then replace the lid and shake the container about six times.

And when you take off the lid, your life changes.

Because the egg is sitting there completely peeled, glistening pure white and ready to be eaten.

I love my Negg.

My day starts with much less profanity, it’s fun to shake the container around like a tambourine.

I dance when I do it, but you don’t need to.

Now, one caveat.

It doesn’t always work so great.

Sometimes it leaves some of the peels on.

And if you shake it too hard, it mashes the egg.

It’s not perfect.

But who is?

It’s a head start.

And fun in the morning.

Just remember, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

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