How To Win Your Child's Heart by Chang Dr. Ruth

Author:Chang, Dr. Ruth [Chang, Dr. Ruth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: OMF Literature Inc.
Published: 2014-01-12T16:00:00+00:00

Comparing one child to another, even if the motive is to teach him some lessons, is very damaging to the child.

SOLICIT YOUR CHILDREN ’S IDEAS

Solicit, acknowledge and appreciate a child’s ideas. Let him help you answer questions or solve problems. Ask him to help you plan some activities for the family. When children are given the opportunity to share their ideas and thoughts, they will feel honored. You might be surprised at their smart ideas. Pay attention to what they say and acknowledge anything you hear that is useful to you. Do not dismiss them too quickly when they say they can help you. God may use a child to humble you by giving the child ideas you never thought of.

In our family, we let our children decide how they want their bedrooms arranged. When they were given a say as to how their bedrooms would look like, they felt very proud of their decisions.

When our children were old enough, we also let them help us in setting up family rules, determining consequences for misbehaviors, and making decisions about changes that needed to be done to family rules. Asking for their ideas made disciplining them easier since they were the ones who helped create the rules.

Whenever a problem arises, soliciting suggestions from children through brainstorming improves their own ability to face problems and develops in them a willingness to listen to other people’s ideas.

ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD ’S ABILITY TO SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS

Children oftentimes have greater abilities to solve problems than we give them credit for. Sometimes our impatience gets in the way of our allowing them to solve their problems. Maybe we do not want them to feel too pressured so we do things for them things that they can actually do on their own. We might also think that we can do things better and faster, so we immediately take over. But every time we do things for our children that they are actually capable of doing, we are sending them the message that we do not trust them and do not believe in them. When we allow them to struggle and then experience triumph in solving problems, however, we are telling them that we respect their abilities and we know they can do it.

Consider the subject of schoolwork. I know of parents who hired tutors not necessarily to teach and help their children learn, but to do their children’s homework for them. This kind of practice sends the wrong message to the children. It makes them believe they cannot do it, so parents will have to come to the rescue. Children are thus discouraged from working hard because they do not have to. And worse, in the long run, the teachers will not get the appropriate kind of feedback that they can use to adjust the way they assign homework and projects to the children. If the children come to school with perfect homework, the teacher might conclude that he is not giving them enough work to do. The homework load will then end up getting heavier.

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