Horror High 4 by Paul Stafford

Author:Paul Stafford
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Random House Australia
Published: 2006-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

It seems astonishing that the umpire would allow it, but Frankie J. made it through round sixteen thanks to his flapping bandage trick, and it became the most controversial wardrobe malfunction in Horror history. It made Janet Jackson look straight. The championship’s generous sponsors were outraged and threatened to pull out if Frankie J. wasn’t disqualified and forced to make some lame-o public apology.

Forget that. Frankie J. flipped the sponsors the bird with extra plumage; the sponsors stormed off in a huff, and nobody missed them. Who really wants to be sponsored by Slime & Sons, Secondhand Suppository Sellers and School Sandwich Makers, whose business motto is, ‘We try to remember to wash our hands, but nobody’s perfect’?

Frankie J. Mummy was unceremoniously beaten in the next round ’cause he was crap and, having been stomped out of the comp by Handy Bigfoot, he sulkily sloped off home. Nobody missed him either. Fact is, nobody missed anybody at Horror High for any reason, because they’re all undead, which tends to negate the finer, higher emotions.

Or it did, until Selina Bones-Jones and Barnaby Hangdog’s gig was ruined. Things changed then. That incident ignited the finer, higher emotions of revenge, retaliation, reprisal and retribution. I know there’s loads more crackajack synonyms with which to flag their fully evil intentions, but somebody’s stolen my thesaurus.

Suffice to say, they planned to break bad on Tony Bones-Jones, and first-rate writers don’t need a thesaurus to have bags of good words for ‘bad’ – badder, bad-o, e-Bad (online baddery), Bad-en Powell (a scout badge for being totally heaps bad), Sinbad (extra bad with a pinch of sin, traditionally practised by sailors but still illegal onshore).

I know words. Don’t be telling me my job.

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