Gratitude Dare: 30 Day Challenge to Find Peace and Happiness in Your Life and Relationships! by Choate Heather

Author:Choate, Heather [Choate, Heather]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: Akela Publishing
Published: 2014-11-11T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 3: How Can Gratitude Strengthen Relationships and Improve Your Marriage?

Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington has been researching marriages for two decades. The conclusion of all that research, he states, is that unless a couple is able to maintain a high ratio of positive to negative encounters (5:1 or greater), it is likely the marriage will end.

With 90 percent accuracy, Gottman says he can predict, often after only three minutes of observation, which marriages are likely to flourish and which are likely to flounder. The formula is that for every negative expression (a complaint, frown, put-down, expression of anger) there needs to be about five positive ones (smiles, compliments, laughter, expressions of appreciation and gratitude).2

Experiencing this in my own marriage is what actually prompted me to write this book. I really wanted to increase the gratitude I felt in my life, so one of the things I committed to do was to send my husband a quick text every day recognizing one thing I was grateful for about him. I felt so good doing it that it became something I looked forward to doing. I started noticing more and more things I was grateful for about him. I felt happier and more satisfied with our relationship. I found myself wanting to serve him more, to listen to him more than talk at him and to see his happy smile. I sent the texts without the expectation of getting anything in return, but soon, my husband started sending me texts back as well telling me little things he was grateful for about me. A lot of them I didn’t even know before. It’s a small thing, but love and happiness is about the small things and its pretty amazing how a lot of little small things add up to really big things.

New research revealed in the article, “How Gratitude Strengthens Marriage,” finds that, “gratitude is a vital attitude in marriage, a positive indicator that a husband and wife find their relationship satisfying, according to a new study of couples married an average of some 20 years.

The study found that when one spouse inwardly feels grateful for the good things about the other or about their relationship, it is likely that the other spouse experiences a sense of marital satisfaction too. “Specifically, individuals who reported feeling higher levels of gratitude had spouses who were happier with their marriage,” the study says.”5

Cameron Gordon, the study’s lead researcher, stated that, “We were not at all surprised to find that individuals who were more grateful were also happier in their marriage,” Gordon said. He explained, however, that what “came as more of a surprise” was the finding “that if ‘Ted’ feels more grateful, then ‘Sally’ reports being happier in her marriage — even if ‘Ted’ isn’t actually expressing any gratitude to ‘Sally!’”5

He continues, “Much research has shown that negatives in marriage (e.g., contempt, poor communication, etc.) have a very powerful, corrosive effect on the relationship. By comparison, we know very little about

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