Grandparenting: Contemporary Perspectives by Susan Moore & Doreen Rosenthal

Author:Susan Moore & Doreen Rosenthal [Moore, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781138640337
Publisher: Taylor and Francis
Published: 2016-10-03T16:00:00+00:00

Me being the blood mother-grandmother does make me feel completely different from my partner at times. … Even my own daughter doesn’t acknowledge her as a grandmother. I know that hurts her the most and makes it hard for her to really have a close relationship with my, our granddaughter.

Orel and Fruhauf, 2006, p. 61

While this study has limitations that decrease its generalisibility (small, non-random sample, perspective of grandmothers only), it is a significant starting point for further investigation.

In an important addition to the sparse literature on grandfathers, Fruhauf, Orel and Jenkins (2009) studied the coming-out of 11 gay grandfathers to grandchildren. For some, but not all, of the grandfathers, the decision to come out was stressful, with fear of rejection by their grandchildren being paramount. As in their earlier study of grandmothers, the support of parents had a significant effect on the outcome for grandfathers. These men’s experiences of, and reasons for, coming out differed. Being partnered helped: ‘Well John and I have been together for as long as they know, so they know it’s just Papa and John’ (p. 110). Interestingly, John was not given a ‘grandfather’ name (Poppa, Grandpa), unlike the biological grandfather, suggesting his role was different. Others saw coming out as a way to teach tolerance; yet others as part of ‘the fabric of life’ (p. 110). There are interesting similarities and differences between lesbian and gay grandparents’ accounts, such as the role of the partner in the family, that deserve further investigation.

We turn now to the small amount of research on LGBT parenting that centres on grandparents. Two French studies by Gross (2009a, b) focus on the role parents’ sexuality plays in grandparents’ relationships with grandchildren and how the arrival of a grandchild affects acceptance of their children’s sexuality. Using the idea of ‘display work’ (Finch, 2007), Almack (2008) examined how lesbian parents negotiate recognition as a family with their parents and other family members. For most of the 40 women interviewed, ‘coming out’ as a lesbian had been accepted and supported but for about half, the announcement they were to have a child was less positive. One woman said:

As soon as I started talking about children, my mother said ‘If you ever have children I’ll have them taken away and make sure you never see them’ … she just couldn’t handle it. I suppose it made her confront who I was, having a child with another woman.

Almack, 2008, p. 1189

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