God Understands Divorce by Barry D. Ham Ph.D

Author:Barry D. Ham, Ph.D. [Barry D. Ham, PH.D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Destiny Image, Inc.

Live in Peace

The apostle Paul writes in First Corinthians 7 and reiterates Jesus’ words that we are not to divorce. In his discussion of marriage, divorce, and unbelievers who leave a marriage, he states that “God has called us to live in peace” (1 Cor. 7:15). We oftentimes would like to force the other person to do the right thing. Yet, we find this technique to be quite unsuccessful. Therefore, Paul is saying, “Do what you can, but you can’t force anyone to do anything. So, even in these situations, live a life of peace.”

Yet, divorce typically leads to increased conflict, negative emotions, increased stress, and anything but peace. Following a divorce, spouses frequently assume, or at least hope, that the other person will just fade into the sunset, leave them alone, and be out of his or her life. Yet, this is rarely the case. You may be appalled at how your ex-spouse continues to come at you, attacking at every opportunity. If you have children, you will have little choice but to continue to talk with your ex-spouse. You have to schedule visitations, address vacations and holidays, deal with doctor’s appointments, soccer games, and any number of other circumstances. If anything goes wrong while you have the children in your custody, then you may hear accusations of incompetence and irresponsibility. A child of a recent client in the middle of a nasty divorce, fell and hurt herself while running and playing. The mother took the child to the emergency room to make sure that all was OK and called the father to let him know what had happened. While she thought that she was doing a good thing in keeping the father informed, upon arriving at the hospital, he called the police to make a child-abuse charge. Fortunately, upon discovering that a custody battle was in process, the police were able to see through the manipulative ploy and dismissed the accusation. Yet, this is a prime example of just how destructively ugly divorces frequently become.

As Richmond points out,

The sad truth is that if you decided to divorce your mate, you will need a lawyer and you will need a judge. Most people cannot make the important decisions necessary without their help. You will be paying lawyers by the hour, so it is in their best interests to prolong the proceedings. They have no real incentive to do their job quickly or expeditiously. The judges, on the other hand, are hard-pressed for time, and your case is not likely to be given the time needed to make a fair and prudent or wise decision. The judges may also be bitter, sick and tired of hearing two people cut each other to pieces with words.30

If you or your spouse has remarried, then there are issues of a new spouse and perhaps stepchildren as well. Parents are frequently more closely knit to their children than they are to their new spouse’s children. Some spouses complain when stepchildren come to the house

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