Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) by Amy Gallo

Author:Amy Gallo
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2022-09-13T00:00:00+00:00

Questions to Ask Yourself

I realize it’s a tall order to expect someone who is suffering at the hands of a tormentor to have empathy for that person. Rather than thinking of the following questions as a way of being generous to your colleague, see them as a strategic assessment: put yourself in their shoes so you are better prepared to address their behavior.

What else is going on with your colleague?

You won’t be surprised to hear that there is a lot of research on abusive supervision. People want to make sense of why senior people choose to mistreat those below them. The most appealing explanation might be that your tormentor is a uniquely flawed human. On the contrary, research in this field has shown that, under the right conditions, most people can become abusive bosses.34 Especially if we keep in mind that many of the hallmarks—accusations that you aren’t committed enough or criticizing you in front of others, for example—can be impulsive reactions to stress.

We all know that being compassionate and kind to the people you manage is the right thing to do, but it’s easy to slip when your emotional and cognitive resources are depleted. So ask yourself: What is going on with this person? Are they under pressure to hit unreasonable targets? Could they be sleep deprived?35 Might they be struggling in their home life?36 None of these excuse toxic behavior, but it may give you a better understanding of what’s causing it.

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