Gary Paulsen by Liar Liar

Author:Liar, Liar [Liar, Liar]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-375-89868-6
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Published: 2011-03-07T22:00:00+00:00

uzz is one crazy broad.” That’s what Dad has always said about my aunt.

“Buzz rocks.” That’s what Sarah and Daniel and I think.

No one’s sure what Mom thinks. But she must like having her sister around, or she wouldn’t have offered to let her move in above our garage. My aunt has lived there as long as I can remember.

When I got home after school, I decided to see if Auntie Buzz had any advice on how to get Tina to realize how incredibly perfect I would be as a boyfriend. Because if anyone knows about relationships, it’s Buzz. She’s been married three and a half times. The half comes from a spring-break marriage in Cancún when she was in college. “It probably wasn’t even legal in the first place, so it only counts as a halfsie,” she told me once.

Auntie Buzz is very high-energy. The double shot of espresso at the coffee shop across the street from her office is called the Buzz in her honor. Dad watched her knock back a few espressos once and muttered to me, “That kind of energy must have been hard on all those husbands.”

Sarah and I work for Buzz on weekends and during school vacations, carrying boxes of swatches and tassels and paint chips and tile samples and carpet books from her office to her work van and back again. Decorating is a heavy business.

She hires Daniel and his hockey team to move furniture. They work dirt cheap and don’t, Auntie Buzz says with a happy smile, belong to a union. Plus they work overtime for pizza and doughnuts and that’s the kind of payment Auntie Buzz can afford. “I’m not good with money, and my projects always go over budget,” she explained.

Auntie Buzz was sitting at our table when I walked into the kitchen, tapping away on her laptop. Mom had a late meeting, Dad was on Generic Business Trip Number Infinity and Beyond, Daniel had practice and Sarah was working, so I had privacy to bring up the Tina thing with Buzz.

“Hi, Buzz.”

“Hiya, Kev.”

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Putting together a demo reel so that I can be hired as the host of a network television show. Or cable, I don’t really care. Just so long as it’s national and pays well. I’ll do any kind of show.”

“Uh, why?” Even though I was dying to ask her about Tina, a person doesn’t just ignore this kind of information.

“When you work for and by yourself on commission and the government is sending you registered letters, you need to get creative about your income stream.”

“I didn’t know you were getting registered letters.”

“It’s a recent development.”

“So … how much trouble are you in?”

She shrugged and then scowled in the direction of a canvas bag near her feet. It was filled with a ton of unopened envelopes. Some of them had green Registered Mail stickers on them and were from the Internal Revenue Service. I’m only fourteen, but those people scare me. Tax time each year at our

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