Funny Business by Jon Scieszka

Author:Jon Scieszka
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2010-10-26T04:00:00+00:00

My dad invited his boss, Mr. Berrian, and another coworker over for a dinner party that Friday. Mr. Berrian and his family arrived first. His son Josh was in my grade, and groaned when he saw me. Josh was the best kickball player at school, and all the guys (except me, of course) worshipped him. He was exactly the type of kid my dad wished he’d had. Naturally he hated my guts. He went straight into the living room to watch TV by himself while my dad led Mr. and Mrs. Berrian out to the backyard to meet the turkey. I stayed behind in the kitchen, feeling trapped. Then the Goldmans showed up. Dad immediately ushered them through the house to the backyard. I didn’t want to be alone with Josh, so I followed them outside.

“And this is our turkey, Travis,” Dad said, opening the pen. The turkey stayed put, intimidated by the strangers crowding over it.

Mr. Goldman looked at me and smiled.

“And you are?” he asked.

“I’m the son,” I said softly. “Sam.”

It was one thing not to get introduced to people by my parents and for them to instead introduce the turkey as if it was their son, but that weekend things got even weirder. We took the annual family photo for our Christmas cards Mom sent out every year, and Dad actually made us pose with the turkey. When the cards were ready at CVS, my mom picked them up. The card read, “Happy Holidays from the Wheatons: Martin, Grace, Sam, Baby Angie, and Travis.”

In the picture, the turkey wasn’t facing the camera. It had its head turned away; it was staring at me.

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