First Ask Why by Shelly Wildman

Author:Shelly Wildman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kregel Publications
Published: 2018-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

What Is Kindness?

Let’s clarify something: being kind and being nice are not the same thing. When someone acts out of, say, politeness, they come across as nice, but being nice is simply a social grace. We act nicely because we want to be perceived positively, but we act kindly because of a deeper motivation of the heart. Everyone can be nice, but not everyone is kind.

If kindness isn’t merely being nice, then what is it? Kindness is hard to define today because it is so rare, yet, when we come across someone who is truly kind, we take notice.

In 2015, the college where I used to teach lost a beloved professor whom I consider one of the kindest men I’ve ever known. Brett Foster was one of those rare people who, no matter whether he was rushing to a meeting or to class, would always take time to stop, look me in the eye, and ask how things were going. We taught in the same department, and though we didn’t know each other well, Brett always remembered our previous conversations and brought up small details he had noted. And he always asked about my daughter Kate, whom he had had in class.

Brett died after an eighteen-month battle with cancer. His life was much too short—only forty-two years—yet he left a legacy that was beautifully acknowledged at his memorial service on campus. Long-time friends and colleagues talked about his sense of humor, his love for his family, and, yes, his kindness.

What set Brett apart from so many others? It was the way he noticed, really noticed others. He intentionally looked people in the eye. He stopped to listen, no matter how busy he was. As a colleague from another institution put it, “To be in his company was to be wholly accompanied by him. His eyes would be all attention. His thoughts and words almost visibly dedicated to your own.”3 This was the man I knew too.

Brett made a difference just by being kind, and his kindness made everyone around him want to be better people.

That, I believe, is what separates being nice from being kind. Nice people do nice things, with varying motivations. Kind people notice. Kind people look you in the eye and treat you with respect and honor. Their motivation is simply you.

Scripture helps us understand kindness further. In 1 Corinthians 13, commonly known as the love chapter, we read these familiar words: “Love is patient, love is kind” (v. 4 NIV). Stop right there. Notice that Scripture doesn’t say, “Love is nice.” How trite would that be! Rather, Paul emphasizes that love is kind.

What does the distinction between nice and kind mean for us and for our children? If, as Scripture tells us, love is kind and love comes from God (1 John 4:7), then our kindness is evidence of God’s love within us, and if Christ’s love resides within us, we will treat others with kindness. Period. Scripture tells us that the world will know we are Jesus’s followers by our love (John 13:35), by how we treat others.

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