Fathering from the Margins by Aasha M. Abdill

Author:Aasha M. Abdill [Abdill, Aasha M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, Ethnic Studies, American, African American & Black Studies, Men's Studies, Sociology, Urban
ISBN: 9780231542272
Google: eUpBDwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Columbia University Press
Published: 2018-06-12T04:28:28+00:00

THE ROLES OF GRANDMOTHERS

Some grandmothers have a hard time relinquishing the parenting role to their daughters—and especially to their sons. A mother’s influence on her child’s life gradually dwindles as the child nears adulthood. Yet once a mother becomes a grandmother, her ability to influence the behaviors of her now adult children increases again, perhaps because grandmothers have implicit credibility and experience in the eyes of their children. A grandmother’s increased influence may also reflect ambivalence and insecurity on the part of the parents about their own roles, as they quickly learn that raising a child is a difficult and exhausting challenge. Grandmotherhood is a natural gateway for mothers to reassert themselves as authority figures in their children’s lives.

The song “Ms. Jackson” by Outkast details the conflicts with the maternal grandmother that many fathers have in their relationships with their children and the mothers of their children: “She had fish fries and cookouts for my child’s birthday, I ain’t invited / Despite it, I show her the utmost respect when I fall through.” André 3000 and Big Boi, the artists who make up Outkast, express the frustration of the role the maternal grandmother has on their relationship with the child and with the child’s mother. While André reflects on the relationship with his child’s mother and his commitment to still be there for his child, Big Boi details the ongoing drama with pushing for more inclusion in his daughter’s life. The lyrics point to the very influential role of the maternal grandmother, from birthday parties to child custody battles. The lyrics also show how the maternal grandmother is a direct point of contention between the father and the mother. Nonetheless, the chorus of the song includes a “for real” apology to the grandmother, Ms. Jackson, signifying the respect and authority the grandmother wields despite the father’s dislike of her actions.

In mainstream nuclear families, a grandmother’s role is more easily managed by the parents as it is naturally regulated by the boundaries created by marriage and separate residence. For parents who have not yet attained economic stability, the grandmother’s support is often needed, requested, and accepted. The extent to which a grandmother is willing to take on caretaking duties, and her adult children’s readiness to accept her support, have implications for the father’s short-term and long-term involvement. Additionally, a grandmother’s beliefs about the role of fathers in the family, which are influenced by her own past experiences, also determine whether a father will adopt more nurturing aspects of parenting.

My fieldwork showcases four distinct roles that grandmothers play in the rearing of grandchildren: the intervener, the moderator, the evader, and the supplementer. These roles have different implications for the behaviors of parents in general and fathers in particular. A grandmother who intervenes steps in to take over what she feels is lacking in her child’s parenting. A grandmother who moderates steps in and tries to change the parenting behaviors of her children. A grandmother who evades avoids or tries to minimize her supportive role in the caretaking of her grandchildren.

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