Family Whispering by Melinda Blau & Tracy Hogg

Author:Melinda Blau & Tracy Hogg
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books

Family Check-Ins: KISS

Taking care of the We requires thought, planning, effort, and follow-through, not just the completion of tasks. The needs of the many keep changing. The Is grow, their relationships shift, and new cards are dealt. The many have to have a simple yet effective way of staying on course as a unit. Weekly “check-ins” allow family members to be in it together— talking, sharing, supporting, learning, exploring new ideas, planning, helping each member find ways to pitch in.

Don’t confuse a check-in with a “family meeting.” Otherwise, you might stop reading. When you ask parents today about whether and how often they have family meetings, they hesitate. A rare few say, “Of course—every week.” Most have to think about it, and in that moment of silence, they look a tad guilty. Some will even say out loud, “I know we should, but . . .” This is followed by:

“The kids are too young.”

“Who has the time?”

“We did for a while but couldn’t seem to stick to it.”

“We’re not sure how to do it.”

Having a family meeting sounds like a big deal, a grave undertaking in which problems are aired and important decisions are made. The very idea of adding an extra “should” into the family routine is enough to put many modern parents over the edge.

Tracy loved to remind people of KISS: “Keep it simple, Stan.” I A check-in is the KISS alternative to family meetings—something easier, tailored to your family in particular, and more fun. And less daunting.

What is it? A time to look at what the We needs and to also see how each of the Is are doing. A check-in makes everyone feel like a stakeholder. It’s mostly about enjoying and encouraging one another, but it also delivers certainty and support when times are tough. It is a time to make decisions and solve problems and to solidify the sense that we’re a unit. The check-in acknowledges that each of you is an independent thinker and doer. It helps everyone notice subtle change—each day, we become a little more capable and competent—and to be rightfully proud of ourselves. The biggest payoff is that the whole family is stronger, a place everyone wants to come home to and help.

Who’s in charge? The parents are the executives—the board of directors—who make the rules and have the last word, but the children have input. They can communicate their desires and feelings, complain about something that is unfair or impractical (from their point of view), contribute their ideas and solutions.

Who takes part? Everyone. In fact, if your only child is young, start now to get in the check-in habit. She can just listen at first. She’s probably not going to come up with meaningful suggestions, but including her acknowledges that she’s a stakeholder, too.

How do we prepare? Bring up the idea first with your partner. Agree to at least try. Then talk to the kids. Do it at dinner one night, a time when you’re together and off screens, or on a long car ride.

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