Fake Mustache by Tom Angleberger

Author:Tom Angleberger
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Amulet Books
Published: 2012-04-05T16:00:00+00:00

headed for the doors I had seen them take Jodie through earlier. I came out into a long, empty hallway. There was an elevator partway down the hall. I pushed the button. While I was waiting, I decided to peek through the big double doors across the way.

Inside was a huge factory floor with lots of machines and wires and conveyor belts. There was this big system of chutes that seemed to be carrying liquid snot. A machine nearest me had doors that slammed closed every few seconds. Then there’d be a whooshing sound. Then the doors would open again, and a whoopee cushion would fall out onto a conveyor belt.

It was awesome. I could have looked at it all day, but the elevator doors opened behind me, and I ran back across the hall and got into the elevator.

I pushed the close-door button, then took a moment to look at my options. There were buttons for floors one through four and a basement. I figured the important offices would be on the top floor, so I pressed four.

When the doors opened again, I stepped out into a brightly lit hallway with people crisscrossing to and from rooms on either side. A few glanced at me, but I guess it takes more than a werewolf costume to attract attention in a novelty factory.

A sign on the door of the first room I came to said WHOOPEE CUSHION TESTING DEPARTMENT, and sure enough, lots of nasty noises were coming out. The next room said VOTING MACHINE RIGGING DEPARTMENT. I peeked through the window and saw a whole room full of geeks drinking Red Bull and messing with computers.

The next door said FAKO MUSTACHO, CEO. PRIVATE. KEEP OUT. CLEARANCE LEVEL ZED ALPHA ONLY. I tried to act cool and walk through the door like I belonged there. But the door was locked. And I felt kind of dumb.

The next room said RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT. This door was open and the room looked empty—empty of people, at least. It was crammed full of mad scientist-type stuff. I decided to check it out.

I walked in and suddenly—ZAMMO!—something hit me right between the eyes. I dove for cover and felt my face with my hand to see if I was bleeding. No blood, just a sticky residue and one furry eyebrow. The other teen werewolf eyebrow was gone.

“Ah, looks like I caught me a wolfman,” cackled a voice that sounded like a toasted gravel sandwich.

I looked up and saw an ancient, three-foot-tall man walking toward me.

“Sorry to scare you, wolfboy,” he said, “I was just testing out the new Ultra-Sticky-Stretchy Grabber Hand. I got your eyebrow from twenty-seven feet away whilst hiding behind the jukebox. Would you like it back?”

“Yes, sir,” I said, and tried to stick it back in place.

“How do you do,” the man said, offering his hand, “I’m Hank Heidelberg.”

“Wow, you mean Heidelberg . . . like the Heidelberg Novelty Company? Did you start this company?”

“Yes, I did. Seventy-two years ago, my brother, Tito, and I were just kids like you peddling rusty kazoos on the streets of Nairobi.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.