Everything's Perfect by Nicole Kennedy

Author:Nicole Kennedy [Kennedy, Nicole]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781800240155
Publisher: Head of Zeus

40

#SquaresOnAGrid

Beth

‘This wasn’t how I thought it would be.’ I stare woefully into my glass of organic, biodynamic English sparkling wine and I realize that I’m not talking about the wedding, I’m talking about my life. Before me, the valley glitters with lights punctuating the dark. We’re sitting up the hill on hay bales outside a little tepee, the remnants of our hog roast breadcakes by our feet – it was a damn good wedding, I’ll give her that – with a bottle of bubbles we swiped from the bar. I feel like I’m in a scene from Wedding Crashers. ‘I want what Mum and Dad had. For Poppy. And for myself. I want a normal family – Joe playing in the garden with Poppy, me washing up, jollily looking out over rolling hills and drystone walls. And I know that’s total fantasy because who washes up these days, other than Dad?’

‘That’s deep, Mitts. Really… deep.’ Her head jerks up. She looks at her empty hand, then gropes around the swirly fabric of her skirt before retrieving her phone from the hay bale. She quickly stabs something into it.

‘You know your problem… you can’t switch off. All day the screen’s been lighting up with notifications!’ She says nothing. ‘And my problem? My problem is I fell in love with the wrong man.’ This is where Lucy should say, Don’t be silly! Joe’s lovely! He loves you! Instead her profile bobs next to me as she nods solemnly. ‘It should’ve been me today…’ I start to cry. Where is this coming from? ‘It…’ – I gasp for air – ‘should have been me.’

Lucy lifts her head and looks around as if she’s just remembered where she is. She wrinkles her nose in distaste, the way she does at the mention of engagements, weddings and children who aren’t Poppy. ‘What? Don’t be daft. You never wanted to ride that train.’

‘What?’

‘You know… You can’t marry someone you don’t fancy.’ She’s right. I never did. That was part of the problem. ‘You’ve found someone you fancy, who you love, who loves you.’ She points out each positive on a new finger, holding three in the air and trying to focus on them. ‘He even likes romcoms.’ She grimaces. ‘And the gym. He’s like your soulmate. You’ve done it. That’s it.’

‘But what if it’s not enough?’

‘You’re pissed. Stop being melodramatic.’ She wraps an arm around me, but I shake it off.

I feel the weight of it all; I’m failing at everything: Lucy, Poppy, Joe. I look in my clutch bag for a tissue – where’s that monstrous cupcake changing bag when you need it? Lucy’s eyes swim as she stares at her phone.

‘What are you looking at?’ I demand.

‘Nothing.’ She turns her phone over quickly so I can only see the cover – navy, with her initials embossed in rose gold.

‘What? What is it?’ I forcibly try to take her phone. She moves to clamp her hand on top of it but I’m that bit quicker; it scoots over the hay bale before toppling to the ground.

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