Essential Dads by Dr. Jennifer M. Randles

Author:Dr. Jennifer M. Randles [Randles, Jennifer M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, Gender Studies, Men's Studies
ISBN: 9780520974388
Google: XGv_DwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Univ of California Press
Published: 2020-10-13T05:32:37+00:00

BREAKING OUT OF THE BREADWINNER BOX

Classes were not particularly prescriptive about what kind of masculinity was required to “man up” as responsible fathers. Staff talked more about challenging stereotypes of how men should think, feel, and act. Fathers learned that being real men involved doing some, if not necessarily equal, childcare. The 24/7 Dad lesson on “Getting Involved” included a section entitled “Don’t Let Mom Do All the Work,” which explained, “Helping with school work, meetings, and events gives mom a break. Getting involved will help your child and your marriage. It takes the pressure off mom and shows your wife and child that you respect her.”30

Another lesson on the importance of special daily moments urged fathers to “spend time every day with your children and, if married, with your wife. . . . Tuck your kids into bed, take an evening walk, or simply have dinner or breakfast together.”31 These messages implied that mothers are mostly responsible for the daily labor of childcare and that fathers’ “helping” gives mothers a much-appreciated respite from care work. In addition to the problem of assuming, in most cases erroneously, that fathers coparent with mothers to whom they are married, this encouragement to assist moms and spend quality time with children presented a limited view of fathers’ day-to-day care responsibilities.

The director Samuel’s description of why fathers needed to be involved in the daily care of their children suggested a more equitable division of labor necessitated by the economic realities of modern family life: “We really try to stress that both units should be handling the business of both ways. We all know that we’re not the traditional 1950s setup anymore, where the man is the breadwinner and the mom stays at home. For a lot of families to function, two parents need to be out there doing the job and also taking care of the kids.” Unfortunately, in doing both, Samuel explained, fathers often find themselves in a dilemma. Despite a growing expectation for fathers to take on a caretaking role, they receive little social support and face stigma when they do:

Traditionally, men have been the second thought. There’s always been resources for women, but men have not always had these resources. . . . Look at any commercial. The male is always looked at as the stupid part of the family and in this joking manner where it’s almost like men don’t matter anymore. Traditionally, the male dominated in this society, but when it comes to parenting, we’re constantly bombarded by messages that we’re not as important, that we can’t show the same affection that women can. Even today, where both will be doing equal things in the home, people still chuckle if they hear that a man is a stay-at-home father and that the mother’s out [working] making the bread. In some circles, he’ll be looked at as a weak person. . . . Men play an important part, and we shouldn’t be marking lines.

For Samuel, those “Take Time” ads were not just about encouraging fathers to spend time with their children.

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