Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2019-09-23T22:55:52.385000+00:00

174 Part III: Finding Intimacy in New Ways

(continued)

old negative cycle behind. But not withdraw- then sharing directly between partners. It’s not ing is only half the solution. Michael hadn’t enough to tune in to your own emotions. Each yet gotten to where he could share his fears, of you must then sincerely share your vulner-vulnerable emotions, and relationship needs able emotions with each other. You each have directly with Diane.

to show tenderness and speak from the heart.

Remember: Change in EFT comes from harness-

ing the power of emotion by listening inside and

Refusing to Withdraw: Daring

to Reach for Your Partner

At some point in the process of recognizing how you withdraw, and then

unearthing the secondary and previously blocked primary emotions driving

this behavior, you begin to get tired of the whole withdrawing idea. This may describe you now, or maybe you reached this point a while ago.

The more Michael, for example, began to regularly feel his fears around failing as a husband and partner, the more he hated being in such a position. “I get

that sick feeling in my stomach,” Michael said. “I’m afraid I’m failing. I hate that feeling. I’m tired of this crap.”

This is a common situation for people in emotionally focused therapy (EFT),

referred to as the engaging withdrawer. Michael is “engaging” back in to the relationship and is tired of the old, negative cycle.

“Look, I’m only as good as I am,” Michael said. “But I’m trying here. And I

can’t stand feeling like a failure as a husband. I can’t continue like this. It’s got to stop.”

Brent knew they were making solid progress when Michael said this from

a place of really feeling and meaning it. The fact was, Michael had stopped

withdrawing about a month ago. He stood his ground now when he and Diane

fell into their negative cycle. He refused to withdraw. This, in turn, allowed Diane to feel his presence even when he said things that might have been

hard for her to hear. It was great. They had made a lot of progress.

Michael had also recognized and felt his own fears and needs in the relation-

ship. Now it was finally time for him to more fully organize these feelings and bring them directly to Diane. Reaching for your partner is daring. It takes

courage.

Chapter 10: Facing Fears and Finding Each Other 175

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.