Edna's Gift by Susan Rudnick

Author:Susan Rudnick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2019-02-26T16:00:00+00:00

As I reflect back, there are other conversations I wish I’d had with Edna and my parents.

It still stings to remember her and Bill walking hand in hand. I wonder why I didn’t try harder at the time to ask her how she felt. Yet, she wasn’t one to express feelings, and I probably couldn’t stand to explore something that had no solution. What’s more, Edna seemed to take the decision in stride, though it couldn’t have been easy for her. She rarely asked for things for herself, and the one time she did, it was denied. For some time she and Bill continued to behave as a couple. But over the years I noticed that they were together less frequently, and after a while the relationship seemed to wane. Occasionally, I would ask her if she had seen Bill.

She would usually reply, “Not too much.”

When I asked her why, she answered, “He should have come to sit with me in the Hall, but he didn’t.”

About my parents: I wish I could tell them now how open-minded and compassionate I thought they were. I’d ask them how they felt about Edna having a tubal ligation, which would have shut the door on a bloodline grandchild. The painful irony of the situation! I would also have shared my fantasy of Edna giving birth to a child that I would adopt. A fantasy I knew was unrealistic, but which now could never happen. But at the time, none of us had the presence of mind or capacity for such conversations.

And though Edna was denied a marriage, she continued to embrace Camphill as her home. She contributed her special recipe for cheesecake to a village cookbook. She helped to lead the Sunday services, and she made a best friend named Susan. Among the diverse population of villagers, Susan was at Edna’s level in her ability to read and write, and she even began to help Edna to write more legibly on lined stationery. This friendship was a stunning milestone for a girl who had few friends her own age. Edna’s steadiness and fortitude became my model and helped me to move forward in spite of my own nagging doubts about ever finding a satisfying relationship.

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