Dr. Brad Has Gone Mad! by Dan Gutman

Author:Dan Gutman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2009-07-22T16:00:00+00:00

7

Love and Hate

Dr. Brad wasn’t very happy with the results of his toy-swapping experiment. When he asked if we learned anything from it, I said, “Barbies would be a lot less lame if they came with weapons.”

So I knew I was in trouble when we were back in class and an announcement came over the loudspeaker.

“Mr. Granite, please send A.J. to Room 104.”

“Oooooooooooooooooooooh!” everybody oooooohed.

“He’s probably gonna give you electric shocks,” Michael whispered to me. “I saw that in a movie once. Some doctor held these paddles against a guy’s head and shot a million volts of electricity through his brain. It was cool.”

I walked really slowly down the hall to Room 104. I didn’t want Dr. Brad to hold paddles against my head and give me electric shocks.

Well, when I got to Room 104, you’ll never believe in a million hundred years what Dr. Brad had on his desk.

Paddles!

“Are you going to give me electric shocks?” I said, trembling with fear.

“No, no, no,” he replied. “Mr. Klutz asked me to play Ping-Pong vis him. He says it’s a great way to get rid of stress.”

Whew!

Dr. Brad told me to lie on the couch.

“Are you going to give me a monkey brain?” I asked.

“No, no, no!” he said. “Vee are going to play a leetle game. I vant you to close your eyes, A.J. Ven I say a verd, I vant you to say zee first verd zat comes into your mind. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said, closing my eyes.

Dr. Brad: “Fast”

Me: “Slow”

Dr. Brad: “Up”

Me: “Down”

Dr. Brad: “Skinny”

Me: “Fat”

Dr. Brad: “Bad”

Me: “Good”

Dr. Brad: “Hard”

Me: “Soft”

Dr. Brad: “Love”

Me: “Andrea—I mean, hate”

“Aha!” said Dr. Brad.

“What?” I said, opening my eyes. “What did I do?”

“You said ‘Andrea’!”

“So?” I asked.

“Before zat moment, you vere saying opposites to every verd, A.J. Zen, ven I said ‘love,’ you said ‘Andrea.’”

“Well,” I explained, “that’s because I hate Andrea. And hate is the opposite of love, so Andrea is the opposite of love.”

“If hate is zee opposite of love, vy didn’t you just say ‘hate’ first?” asked Dr. Brad.

“I don’t know,” I said. “It just came out.”

Dr. Brad leaned over and stuck his face close to mine.

“A.J.,” he said, “are you in love vis Andrea?”

“No!” I said. “I already told you! I hate Andrea! That’s why I said the word ‘Andrea’ when you said ‘love’!”

“Maybe you just say you hate Andrea to hide zee fact zat you really love Andrea. Hmmmmmm? Isn’t zat possible, A.J.? Boys sometimes tease girls zay like. Perhaps if you vould simply admit zat you really deep down inside love Andrea, zee two of you could get along better. No?”

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