Down to the Wire by Andy McNab

Author:Andy McNab
Language: eng
Format: mobi, azw3, epub
Tags: Action, Suspense, Thriller, Fiction
ISBN: 9781473543621
Publisher: Penguin Random House UK
Published: 2022-09-22T00:00:00+00:00

42

‘Nick, would you like to come along to a mindfulness meditation this evening? It really helps us to focus on the here and now, to stop that constant noise in our minds that niggles away at us. I’m sure you know the one – it’s that noise we all try to repress, sometimes suppress, but at the same time we all know it just makes the noise worse. What we learn in the village is to welcome the noise with a smile.’ She did, and raised an index finger to match. ‘Ah, there you are again. And when we greet it with a smile, a very, very curious thing happens, Nick. The noise goes away, and we live in the present. And you know what?’

Not really. I was still getting my head around it.

‘There’s tea afterwards and you will get to meet even more of our wonderful people.’

‘Okay, I’m in.’ In for what, I wasn’t sure. Smiling at noise?

We agreed to meet at the gym at eight thirty for her to introduce me round, but she was soon back to business. ‘How does your condition make you feel in this very moment, Nick? Here, remember, that is all that matters.’ She sat back and clearly it was my turn to expand.

I knew I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I wanted to get back to telling the truth. ‘I don’t think about it all that much, really. It’s not avoidance or denial, I just accept it.’ I’d never thought I was close to saying that, but I was now. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t lying. ‘Dying doesn’t matter. I won’t know I’m dead because I’ll be dead. That’s it, the end. I don’t think there’s a heaven or reincarnation. Once you’re dead, you’re dead. But it’s the way of getting dead that’s my concern. That make sense?’

She didn’t have to think about an answer. Maybe I wasn’t as unique in my thoughts as I kidded myself I was. But I was frustrated: I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell her that most of my concern was that I had put two friends’ lives at even more risk than was necessary, and promised them it would never happen again. Yet still they wanted to operate with me. At least I hadn’t lied. I just hadn’t told.

‘Totally. I get it – because that is what we believe. When you die, Nick, that is the end. You’ve been dying since you were born. But for us, you can’t die until you’ve done what God put you here to do – and that is to live. When you die, you need to know in your heart that you have lived rather than simply won or lost at life. Do you think you have lived, Nick?’

Fuck, she had me on that one. I sat back as if I was thinking about it, then realized I had always known the answer. ‘No, I haven’t.’

‘Well, that’s what you can do with us, Nick, in the village.

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