Did I Remember to Tell You? by Pam Kovacs Johnson

Author:Pam Kovacs Johnson [Johnson, Pam Kovacs]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781728372112
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Published: 2020-08-31T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 13

WHAT IF IT WERE SO?

I am not even a little ashamed to tell you that I can tell a lie better than almost anybody in the world. Countless families will tell you the same thing. Just as many will likely brag about how they have learned from me the essential ins and outs of convincingly telling untruths to others. But that was not how I was reared.

Even today, I still vividly recall an incident from a family road trip one summer when I was probably about six years old. It was sometime in the mid-fifties and we had stopped for gas. It was a scorching hot day and there I was standing in front of a big, red Coca-Cola® vending machine. It seemed to me almost unimaginable that for five cents, you could purchase a cold bottle of soda, right then and there, while you were outside in the parking lot. Then I saw the nickel in the coin return.

Completely lost in thought, I never noticed that my father had walked up behind me until I reached for the coin. Suddenly, I heard his strong and serious voice. “That’s not yours,” he said. Then, he instructed me to go inside and return the nickel to the service station operator.

That was just one of many lessons throughout my childhood which my dad taught me about virtues and honesty. From him, I also learned the importance of integrity, good morals, loyalty, and faithfulness. Now, some sixty years later, here I am frequently telling my dad little white lies, filling an entire chapter with a different perspective on truthfulness, and proclaiming the benefits of making false statements.

In my “real” life, I am a very honest person. But when we are caring for a person with any type of dementia, our focus should be on the outcomes rather than the truth. Promising to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is absolutely appropriate and correct in a courtroom, but it is seldom the best practice in the world of dementia.

Many people think it is always wrong to tell a lie. Also, they believe that a lie is different than a fib. Since technically any false statement is a “lie,” few people can truthfully say they have never lied to someone at some time. How honest are most, when asked, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” And, what would you say if someone asked your opinion about their selection of paint, while you were gazing at an entire room which had just been repainted? Surely, you would not be brutally honest, even if you thought it was a beastly color.

We use little white lies because it makes others feel better than if we were candid. And yet, family caregivers are inclined to think they should adopt a different code of conduct when they assume the responsibility for care of a loved-one. In the beginning, they tend to keep details accurate, statements factual, and correct any deviations from reality.

When the

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