Decisive Parenting by Michael Hammond

Author:Michael Hammond
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jason Aronson, Inc.
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Combine Praise with Physical Affection

Another thing you can do that will reinforce your praise is to combine it with expressions of physical affection. As you praise your teenager, give her a hug, or a kiss, or both. If you can’t hug or kiss, you can put a hand on her shoulder, or even just make eye contact.

Combine Praise with Formal Rewards

Praise should be the primary way in which we seek to reinforce positive behavior, but it’s not the only way. Giving your teenager formal rewards and incentives for positive behavior is a good way, too.

Many parents bristle at the idea of offering their misbehaving kids rewards and incentives for proper behavior—as well they should. It is useless and counterproductive to attempt to stop negative behavior with positive rewards. This tactic doesn’t work and is psychologically destructive to both the parent and the teenager. Don’t do it.

Instead, use positive rewards to reinforce positive behavior. There is a world of difference between the two. Formal rewards and incentives are very effective in increasing positive behavior. They are totally ineffective in decreasing negative behavior, and so should never be used for that purpose. Consider the difference between a movie pass and a movie ticket.

It’s Saturday morning and Sam wants to study for a test that could lead to a job promotion. His thirteen-year-old son has been an obnoxious hellion all morning. Sam gives his son the money for a movie ticket so he can get him out of his hair for a few hours.

Good Parent Sam has consequently done nothing more than reinforce his son’s obnoxious behavior, because it has lead to a free movie. The unwitting message to his son is that the next time he wants to attend a movie, all he has to do is act up. He has learned the power of coercion cloaked in the art of extortion.

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