Cyber Self-Defense by Alexis Moore & Laurie J. Edwards

Author:Alexis Moore & Laurie J. Edwards
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lyons Press
Published: 2014-10-06T16:00:00+00:00

Who Gets Hooked by a Vengeful Person

Because many vengeful individuals can mask their anger, most any person can be drawn in by their charm. Those who stay once the anger and cruelty are obvious usually tend to be of two types. The first are helpers, who see beneath the surface to the hurting child buried under the temper tantrums. They believe that if they give enough love, they can make up for the person’s childhood anguish and change the revengeful person into a kind and loving person. As difficult as it is to accept, no single individual can make up for what the revengeful person faced. Unless that person seeks counseling and deals with the hurts of the past, he or she will not change. Helpers need to look at their own motives for staying, which may include a deep-­seated desire to matter, to be needed, to be important in someone’s life. All of these needs can be met in mutually satisfying relationships, where both people are emotionally healthy.

Others who get hooked by revengeful partners are those who endured abuse of their own. They have learned to expect it; some are filled with guilt and see it as the punishment they deserve. They may believe, or their partners may have convinced them, that they don’t deserve anything better. Although it’s a lie, they have come to accept it as truth. As painful as the relationship may be, it feels familiar. They may not realize that relationships can be calm, rage-­free, and mutually respectful, so they stay even when their partner’s rages endanger their lives.

Sage’s Story

Sage had dreamed of being an artist from the time she was a young girl. Soon after she’d transitioned from crayons to paintbrushes, her father abandoned the family, leaving her mom a broken woman. Money was tight, so Sage learned not to ask for the frivolous art supplies she desired. When she was old enough to babysit, she helped her mom with household expenses but always set a tiny bit aside for paints and paper. Any spare time she had, she spent painting.

Her mother discouraged Sage’s dreaminess and artistic bent, telling her to get a practical degree so she could support herself. At her mother’s urging Sage signed up for computer programming classes at the local community college. She hated every minute of it, but her mom insisted it was one of the fastest-­growing professions. Always a people pleaser, Sage did what her mother wanted. She worked full-time as a waitress and put herself through her first year of college. That summer her mom developed cancer and was gone in a matter of months. Dazed and grieving, Sage started her second semester. She had a hard time concentrating on her studies, so she spent time wandering through the school’s art gallery whenever she had time off from waitressing. The art soothed her and spoke to her soul.

Then, although it made her feel guilty, Sage did something very daring: She switched her major to art. In the studio she poured out her heartache on canvas.

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