Calm Parents, Happy Siblings by Dr. Laura Markham

Author:Dr. Laura Markham
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473528109
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

Coaching Kids as They Wait for Their Turn

The five-year-old was riding in a car and her two-year-old brother wanted a turn. He went over to hit her and grab it away, which normally would have resulted in a huge fight and a lot of yelling from me. Instead, I went over, got down on his level, and said, ‘You’re mad because Bailey’s riding in the car and you want a turn, right? It’s hard to wait.’ He launched himself into my arms, cried, ‘Yeah!’ and then calmly asked his sister if he could have a turn next. Then he went off to play happily until she was done. Miraculous.

– Jennifer

Even as children get used to your family rule that the person using the toy decides how long their turn lasts, they’ll still always feel some longing when another person has a toy they want. You can help your child by acknowledging her feelings, helping her ask for what she wants, coaching her to make an agreement with the other child about the eventual hand-off of the coveted item, and supporting her while she decides what to do while she waits. Every time you do this, you’re helping your child develop the assertiveness to ask for what she wants, as well as impulse control and the ability to delay gratification. Like the five-year-old twins below, kids can often move on to another project once they’re satisfied that their turn is coming.

Savannah: Mum, Ella is having too long a turn on the pogo stick!

Mum: Savannah, I hear you really want a turn with the pogo stick. Can you tell Ella that you want a turn after her turn?

Savannah: She isn’t listening to me.

Mum: It might be that she just really needs a long turn today. Do you want my help to tell her?

Savannah: Yes!

Mum and Savannah go to where Ella is hopping on the pogo stick.

Mum (smiling at Ella, with her arm round Savannah’s shoulders): That looks like so much fun!

Ella: It is!

Mum: Savannah has something she wants to tell you.

Savannah mumbles something towards Ella.

Mum: I don’t think Ella can hear that soft voice while she’s jumping. Can you tell her in a louder voice?

Savannah: I want a turn, too!

Ella: But Savannah, I need a long turn today.

Mum: Hmmm … It doesn’t sound like Ella is ready to finish her turn yet. Savannah, do you want to ask Ella if you can have the next turn when she’s ready?

Savannah: Ella, can I have the next turn?

Ella: Of course!

Savannah doesn’t look any happier.

Mum: Savannah, you can ask Ella how long she thinks she needs for her long turn.

Savannah: Ella, how long before my turn?

Ella: I need a very long turn because I missed this pogo stick … I think I need ten whole hours.

Mum: Ella, it sounds like you want a very long turn! You know the rule at our house is that turns don’t go overnight, so your turn will have to end when you come inside for dinner in an hour, and then tomorrow it will be Savannah’s turn.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.