Beyond Distraction by Shaila Catherine

Author:Shaila Catherine
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Wisdom Publications

Consider whether reminding yourself of the many ways you were wronged brings you closer to resolution or fans the flames of your outrage. To subdue grudges and dispel resentment, the Buddha recommended five approaches. One of these was to forget, disregard, or pay no attention to the person that you resent. He taught, “one should disregard the person one resents and pay no attention to him; in this way one should remove the resentment toward that person.”61

Emotional healing requires the ability to let go of the past. Whether the harm was caused by the actions of another or by your own foolishness, you can stop dwelling on thoughts that strengthen anger or trigger fear and shame. This kind of ignoring does not deny the pain associated with those events. But if you find that dwelling on toxic worries, traumatic memories, or thoughts of your vulnerability will magnify suffering, give yourself the opportunity to not keep those experiences vividly alive in your mind.

If you find you are tormenting yourself by remembering your most embarrassing moments, do yourself a kind favor and just forget it happened. Set aside those thoughts, perhaps just for a while, now and then. Everyone does foolish and embarrassing things; everyone experiences failures in life. No one consistently presents their best qualities to the world. We must learn to sometimes shrug off our losses, dismiss our mistakes, and forget our shameful moments so we are available to be present now.

Healing from trauma is a gradual process, requiring sensitivity and patience. It can include skillfully revisiting the past to enhance your understanding and accept your feelings. It can also involve improving your connection with present lived experience. You might need to give yourself permission to stop allowing painful memories to occupy space in your mind. Learn to dispel them; trust that you can grow past them.

When you recognize that relentless repetition of those thoughts causes harm, give yourself the option to leave them behind. Moving forward in your life does not deny your pain; it does not acquiesce to injustice, and it is not an absolution of past crimes. You will feel what you feel, and you will learn through the experiences in your life. As you refine your skills in working mindfully with thoughts, you will be able to determine which thoughts, interpretations, and memories to foster and nourish. This ability to guide your attention away from harmful thoughts is key to developing resilience in the face of trauma.

People respond very differently to traumatic events — some recover quickly while others can experience debilitating symptoms that persist for years. Contemporary researchers are working to identify the factors that increase one’s risk for prolonged posttraumatic responses and to propose methods that can build resilience to potentially stressful events.

A study of the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombing by researchers at the University of California at Irvine found several predictors of acute stress symptoms: (1) being present at the bombing or knowing someone who was directly affected, (2) previous exposure

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