Battle of the Bands by Eric Smith

Author:Eric Smith [Gibaldi, Lauren; Smith, Eric]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781536222234
Publisher: Candlewick Press
Published: 2021-02-14T16:00:00+00:00

We’re backstage with all the other bands, huddled up waiting to hear the results on who’s winning the first, second, and third place prizes. I summon the courage and confidence from somewhere, maybe deep within the core of the earth. “Guys, I have something to tell you both.”

“Shhhhh! They’re about to announce the winners. What if it’s us?”

“No, listen to me, Trey,” I say. “This is important, too.”

“What’s wrong?” Charity asks. She grips my hand, her fingers interlocking with mine. I don’t know why something always has to be wrong. But her words trigger something inside me, and instantly, there are tears streaming down my checks, dripping off my chin. This feels so fucking hard. I play back some of Fin’s words: You can’t keep yourself in a box forever.

I swallow hot boiling spit before opening up my mouth.

“I — I — I’m . . . I think that I’m bisexual,” I say, stumbling over the words like rocks on a sidewalk. “And I don’t want anything to change between us, but I just thought that I had to be honest with myself.”

“Holy shit!” Trey says. “You’re serious.”

“I am,” I say, unsure of why I’d say that as a joke. “I’ve known for years that I at least liked . . . guys.” I get that feeling like my entire body wants me to throw up, but I don’t and can’t.

“Whoa” is all Trey says next, but Charity seems absolutely stunned.

I take a deep breath. “And there’s something else,” I add. “I hooked up with Orlando when you and I first started dating, Charity,” I admit.

She lets go of my hand, which is sweating bullets now. “What? What do you mean?” She wrinkles her forehead and takes a step back.

“Like, you know —” Suddenly, my words leave me for a moment. I don’t want to talk about everything I did with Orlando right now.

“Butt stuff!?” Trey blurts out loud — so loud other people who are waiting to hear the Battle of the Bands results crane their necks around to listen. “What’s everyone looking at? Mind your business,” Trey shouts. Everyone turns back, returning to their own conversations again.

I nod at Charity like we’ve got this telepathic way of communicating the truth.

“You did it with Orlando? But we haven’t even done it. You said you wanted to wait to do it with me.”

“Ohhh. Shit.” Trey puts a fist up to his mouth like he’s watching someone get sucker punched. In a way, my news is sucker punching.

“I know I said that. And I feel like a dickhead for doing stuff with Orlando.”

She looks puzzled, and I can see the tears pooling in her eyes. She’s hurt, pissed, sad, all of these at full capacity. “I don’t . . . I don’t even know what to say right now, Q.”

“So, you’re telling us that you’re bisexual? That’s actually kind of dope. Give me a hug. Thanks for telling me.” Trey opens his arms, and I meet him there for a hug, feeling a mixture of happiness, relief, and curiosity.

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